Relationship - read at own risk

I always find myself as an open, sharing person, as in stories-wise... I AM NOT a secretive person, thus I tend to NOT hide things from people unless it is really necessary for me to do so. So when a friend of mine shared with me her experience before she got married, I was kinda surprised I didn't know it when it happened. Nevertheless, I am thankful for her sharing the story at the right time... while I am going through a rough patch in my engagement period.

What I didn't know about this seemingly happy friend of mine is, a week before she had gotten hitched, her ex-boyfriend came back to her, asked her NOT to marry her fiance and marry HIM instead! Wow, that's a dramatic move. I mean, a week before the wedding, like reallyyyyy ex-bf? As much as she was and still is in love with her man, she did still have feelings for the ex. Hence, she was such in a confused state for awhile when all this drama happened. Needless to say, she cried and cried and prayed hard but finally decided to stick with her decision and go on with the fiance instead. I am happy to report, they are now happy together, bought their own place and expecting their very first child. On top of that, we also suspected another very close friend of ours, went through a somewhat similar experience. This girl, S, had a difficult choice to make between two guys, both are (yes, past and present) madly in love with her. She decided with one, which is her present hubby now, but had a hard time letting go this other guy, who I suspect was very frustrated that she had chosen the other man instead.

After hearing these stories that evening, I started to think that my problem isn't half as big. But the thing is, I don't have the liberty to choose between two guys coz I only have one. These girls, no matter who they choose, will end up with a guy. It's only a matter of a better guy. I, on the other hand, is to marry this guy or not. My problem is actually him frictioning with me and now I discovered another one, hiding things behind my back, although he promised not to do so two years ago. (I suspect he forgot he made that promise because he just made it again... or he is just not the kind of man that honour the promises he makes... I hope it's the first one because if it's the second, I should not be marrying him in the first place!)

The problem started with him trying to save a damsel in distress, as always, being the honourable guy. Me, on the other hand, opposed that idea as I believe in hard work earned money. I understand his point of view but was nevertheless mad at HER, the damsel in distress. Although I was so mad at her for always asking money from us, I didn't want to directly shoot her so I only poured it out to my fiance instead. He then got mad at me for... erm, I am still not too sure why and stopped talking to me altogether. Apparently, he thinks I accused him of something? Something like that.

It's only when we are trying to sort things out, I truly found out (I suspected it long before already) he went to see somebody I don't quite particularly like (because she used to have like a big crush on him before and even after finding out this guy is dating someone else, she still is very mengade with him... geeshhhh... gedik) BEHIND MY BACK.

Oh My God! Two things in a row. Like seriously? We have less than 3 months before the wedding and I really hope nothing new would come up. This is just stressing me out. Maybe it's a good thing... Maybe it is a reminder for me to NOT love a guy with ALL MY HEART. A friend of mine warned me to keep a portion of my heart for myself but I told her I can't do that coz I have fallen 120% in love with my fiance. When all these things hitting me just 3 months before the wedding, I am starting to think, maybe, I should follow my friend's advice instead.

It's not too late for me to do that, right? The problem is, I'm sure when our problems are "solved" (at the time of writing, Mr Fiance still refuses to discuss the matter at hand, so they are currently being swept under the rug) or rightly forgotten, I WILL once again surrender all my heart into his hand and risking it being crushed again and again.

I hope I am not making the wrong decision here for staying in this half-transparent relationship. Oh Allah, Please help me coz only You know BEST!

Trial

I always thought we could weather through anything. Now I'm not so sure.

I guess the demons are working real hard now that the date is near to ensure they do not lost their most profitable clients on earth.

June update

Hi! Hi! What's new with everyone? I havent had the time to read all your blogs. All I can do at the moment, in the middle of my hectic life, are calling/meeting some of you once in a while and sourcing stories about you guys from other ppl.

And what's new with me? I passed all my 4 papers for my PKMC exam. Not with distinction but I am very thankful with the result already. Was super worried especially for my 2nd module but Alhamdullilah, He let me passed. Sadly, no increment as expected so I have to make do with this tiny pay for now.

Wedding preparation... well, is a bit slow... as usual. We took the forms from Jabatan Agama in KL & Seremban respectively but it's still too early to submit them now. I took my HIV test. Hazmi hasn't. We ordered our cards but haven't send in a few items they needed. Theme and costume... not finalised... Door gift... have not decided on that either. Oh my! So little time, So much to do.

Hazmi farm is still running in good shape. I am there almost every weekend but this week Hazmi asked me to rest and wait for him came over instead, which was why I had some extra time to update this blog. We watched Transformer 2: The Revenge of the Fallen yesterday and it was awesome. Bumped into Baby D just before the show, which was cool coz the air fight and all reminded me of her.

Oh, I'm 25 now!!! And thanks to EVERYONE who celebrated my birthday and also those who wished me from near and far. Love you guys... Muacks.

My 2nd trip to the MAS Cargo

Hi All!!! My exam is finally over and the result would only be out next month. In the meantime, I would definitely like to enjoy myself and spend more time with my soon-to-be hubby at the farm and of course, my mom. So I decided to spend my weekend with both of them i.e. Saturday with him and Sunday with mummy. I'm so lazy to type about everything that happened so to cut it short, I went to Mas Cargo again last Saturday to accompany hubby picking up the new batch of feral. Oh my, he just looks so hot while working... *drools*

Here's the new batch of feral, the wilder type of goat. They are bigger and stronger (compared to... say... local goats and even lambs, which are also available for sale). Better catch them quick coz they sold out fast. For more info, log on to their website exq-farm.blogspot.com or just click at the link at the side of this blog. Else, call me to get his number directly. (Only for customers okay. Admirers and stalkers are not entertained) LOL.

Engagement, Confirmation and PKMC exam!!!

Normally, after a long break from updating the blog, I would only write in when Irna bugs me to. Quite surprised she hasn't been bugging me already. I'm guessing she's either too busy with her life at the moment or she just couldn't be bothered anymore. Anyway, what's (not so) new with me?
1) I'm engaged to my beloved Hazmi on 7th February ^_^
2) I'm confirmed in CIMB (at long last... that took forever!!!)
3) And I am currently sitting for my PKMC exam. =_=
For those who has been wondering how I did in my CFA last December, as expected, I failed. As historical as it is, being the first me failing a major exam, I wasn't actually expecting a pass as I hardly even completed the syllabus, let alone practised answering the questions. Although it is very frustating since it was very costly, I had signed up to sit for it again this December. Wanted to push doing it in June but I just need some space to breathe. With the wedding coming in October, I just can't take in another major event in my life. Sometimes I think there's just so many things to do, catch up with and chase in this phase of life that I just feel like dropping it off altogether but come to think about it again, I thought I shouldn't give up so easily without a good fight. Hope the money spend on the exam would be worth it this time. Alrightey then. Time to start studying and start the countdownS.

A state of happiness

I don't want to talk about this coz this is very personal but I want to pen this down somewhere as a record, as a memory... so here I am writing in my "diary".

Dear Diary,

At this point of time in my life, I am feeling so damn happy and lucky to be dating this ReALLy rEallY GREAT guy. And God's willing, we are soon gonna be engaged and hopefully making it official on paper to build our life together by the end of next year. I am SoOoO happy and EsTaTiC that he has been SO SO SWEET lately, that sometimes it makes me feel guilty thinking that I might probably not making him feel the same way. Sometimes I am also scared that I might screw this up because to me, now, this is just perfect. I don't want to spoil this in any way, like what happened to some of my friends, intentionally and especially accidentally. I am confident that I would not intentionally hurt him in AnY way but I hope the latter won't Ev3R take place. Like any typical girl, I pray that he won't hurt me and break my heart as is typically seen in real lives and movies. But I also hope he is not reading this because I don't want him to be scared or knows that I am scared or thinks that I am so clingy and change his mind. (Though I think he would one day come across this and if he actually/when he eventually does, I hope this article wouldn't change a bit of what it is today). Of course, there will be some ups and downs, but I hope we will get through anything together and stay strong forever.

I just finished watching "Definitely, Maybe", a story about a father, who is heading for a divorce, relating his love stories to his young daughter. When he said "The happy ending is I have you", I started crying. (Yes, I am always a bit soapy when it comes to this). Then it got me thinking... I have been crying almost half of my childhood, wishing everything would be better one day and now... it is... FiNaLLy it is... and I really really hope it would last... FoREv3R. To you, Mohd Hazmi Abdul Halim, though I am wishing you would not find this, if you do, please remember that you are the love of my life, my very one and only. And I can only thank God for sending you right to me. I love you with all my heart! Thank you~

xoxo,

me

The end of 2008 ~The beginning of 2009

Hi peeps... It has been a while... *ehem* well, a looooonnngggg while since the last update. And I am writing this post now... as usual... to fulfill Miss Irna's request for me to update this long forgotten page. Lets see... where do I start?

2008 has been quite a productive year to most ppl ard me. Hmm, what happened to me? Err, nothing much actually. I changed department from Treasury - Debt Capital Market and Syndication to Treasury - Global Sales and Group Funding. It was a great experience "training" under the syndicate team but I am also enjoying my time here at GSGF. Apart from the normal day-to-day work, we have to also entertain clients with events like bowling, movie trips and year-end party (where we got to dance) so it is still quite fun. However, I am still a trainee and hoping to get confirmed by early next year. On a more personal note, I went to Redang with my beloved last October (alongside Ms Irna, Ms Aiya and Mr Aiya), sat for my CFA exam which was quite disastrous and... have been trying to lose weight unsuccessfully. So my new year's resolution would be... (well, not so new year as it has to start now...) losing 6kgs by the end of January!!! So wish me luck.

As for ppl ard me (as you could probably guess), being in the prime age of settling down, there have been a few waves of engagement and marriage ceremonies all ard... not to mention babies. Trying to fit everything in my very tight schedule, I would try my very best to attend the ceremonies at least to those closest to me. I am so sorry to those ppl whose ceremony I failed to attend. It does not mean you are not important to me... it just mean I am not a witch to be at more than one place at the same time (although I would be very much delighted to have that power *wink*). Expecting a few more waves next year, early first half and mid-year, so keep the invitations coming ppl ^_^

And lastly, update on my sweetest man's progress... His farm is now up and running... with 60 hopefully fertile females, 2 very healthy males and 2 cute baby goats. It is just so amazing... From a forest land, it is now a full-fledged, goat rearing farm. Occasionally, mostly on weekends, I would drive over and play with the goats... help to feed them but that's about it. I'm not that much of a help but nevertheless, I am currently moonlighting as a farmer... errr.. no.. a farmer's wife? Hahaha... Anyway, I can proudly say that I am such a lucky girl to have met and have him in my life.

Cheers.

From this

To this



And this!

Avril Rocks!

Attended Avril's concert at Stadium Merdeka yesterday and it was just superb. She's such a good singer and performer. Her dressing was simple, with just baby-tee and jeans but the concert rocks. Her live singing is awesome... not like some singers who have to lip-sync/mime to their own songs. She didn't blab much to the audience... only a simple line or two... saying that she's happy to be here (which I doubt, with all the last minute cancellation threat and the stupid so-called-protest which I think did not take place) and how's everyone's doing but nevertheless, she interacted well with us... Her expressions were just the cutest and she conquered the whole stage, just like any professional would. Apart from singing, she also played the guitar, piano and drum! Such a talented artist... Anyways, I was standing throughout the whole show (although I actually bought the free seating ticket) but it was all worth it. Was content with the not-so-expensive ticket I bought. It seems a bit packed in front, and I don't quite like packed places. Needless to say, the concert RoCkS! and my bf is such a dear throughout the whole show with me. ^_^ I'm simply happy.

I was on NST!

http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/Monday/National/2317677/Article/index_html

Banking on 'universal' exposure to build career

Farah is happy learning all she can as a management trainee at CIMB.

KUALA LUMPUR: Farah Haida was a first-year undergraduate when she attended a career talk by CIMB Group corporate resources head Hamidah Naziadin in Cambridge three years ago.
Two years later, as she approached graduation from the London School of Economics, she decided to check out the Careers Fair of the United Kingdom and Eire Council for Malaysian Students in London.

There, she once again came across representatives from CIMB -- one of the many companies wooing graduates such as herself.

Having done her research on CIMB after Hamidah's presentation, Farah decided to only pursue the interview offer from CIMB, despite having received offers from other companies at the exhibition.

Now 24, Farah is happy learning all she can as a management trainee at CIMB.
And so far, Farah has enjoyed every bit of the experience, which she describes as "enriching".

She has been posted to three departments -- corporate assurance, CIMB principal asset management and direct banking and cards -- since she joined the firm last August.

"So far, all the department heads have been very accommodating. They give me work which helps to build up my learning experience."

Although she likes what she's doing, Farah has set her sights on joining CIMB's treasury department.

Hamidah said that at CIMB, the strategy was to expose new recruits to as much of the business as possible, in line with its aim of training "universal bankers"."

They are not confined to a specific area of work, which means that they can experience the full depth and breadth of the business, an opportunity they may not have if they pursue their careers in a larger foreign bank."

Rueben Gan, a first-year philosophy and economics student at the London School of Economics, is coming back to intern for the summer holidays at a consultancy firm in Kuala Lumpur.

But, unlike Farah, he plans to stay on and work in London for a couple of years upon his graduation in June 2010.

Gan said a first-year internship in Malaysia would look good on his resume and it would help him with a second-year internship in London.

"It will give employers the impression that you have the initiative and drive to pick up some relevant and useful work experience in your free time, on top of the obvious credentials on the CV. It may also give you something to talk about in the interview room."

Gan, however, feels it is better for him to remain in Britain after his graduation to gain experience and exposure."

I also enjoy the lifestyle, the city and the diverse mix of people. It's nice to work in a vibrant and exciting environment when you are young."

Fat

Stop saying a girl look fat, chubby or has been putting on weight. You are only torturing the bf. ^_^ hihi

Life is short, Love is Forever

A couple of weeks ago, I rushed back to Perlis after receiving a call from my cousin. Her husband, in his late twenties, passed away from a car accident. She... is 4 months pregnant with their first child. In my opinion, she was surprisingly strong. I, without doubt, would not be able to pull that kind of strength to face that situation. Several times, I tried to imagine me being in her shoes, I just end up in tears. Through out my few hours visit, she calmly told me what happened, answered questions and accompanied me to the husband's fresh grave. I, on the other hand, could not think of a word that is powerful enough to comfort her or tell her that everything is going to be okay. All I could do was give her a hug and tell her to take care.

On another chapter, today is the third day Hazmi has been away from Malaysia. He went to Bangkok to celebrate his graduation with his ex-housemates. Given the super expensive rate to call home, I am "barred" from calling him (or rather "barred" from disturbing his happy moments with his friends). Of course, I am not trying to hi-jack his happiness. In fact, I wish him all the joy in the world. Plus, it is not like I would die from not talking to him. Or would I? No... I am still alive but I feel like all my life has been sucked out of my face. Life is just dull without him in it. If I were to be the one there, I would definitely swallowed the cost to just hear his voice for a minute everyday. I am SUPER addicted to him. The fact is, it is him there now. I can't just call him anytime I like. That would just ruin his super fun trip. I want to let him go and have fun but i miss him so much. Why the hell I have to feel this way. Sob. Sob. I wish I'm not that dependant on him as I am now.

If I have all the time in the world

I would want to re-learn and master my game theory subject!

Friendship

It doesn't really matter how long you have known each other for. It could be 1 week, 2 months, 12 years... All that really matters is how much you care for each other and be there for you when you need them the most. I am blessed to be given such great friends around me. I love all of you. ^-^ xox

5 1/2 years

What does that mean to you?

A child that age can attend pre-school already. Yet the presence of it is not felt...

Enough politics

I've never had that much interest in it anyway. Was only heated up when I read those articles since I've been following the crude oil prices. Hence the entry. Read another article about a minister slamming bloggers for making political entries. Am sure she's referring to the left-wingers, but to be fair, I don't one to be one-sided. So enough politics here... We can talk economics if we want to. Heh. That would benefit me a lot. But the last one was such a hot entry, huh? haha. Well, that entry is not closed if anyone of you wants to add, elaborate or argue with any of the comments there. Irna... I don't have any energy to type about it anymore. I've been typing very long comments on that. So if you are lazy to read the newpapers "clippings", do read the comments. It would help to summarize the whole argument.

Had some ideas on what to write yesterday but forgot already now. Maybe I'll continue writing later.

What the hell!

I thought of writing a proper entry on how excited I am to be voting for the first time. I was planning to say that our vote is P&C so I am not going to reveal which party I am going to vote for. I was also planning to say that unlike US voters who choose their candidate based on their current policy stance, I am not that much influenced by all that coz it all looks like gibberish to me. All I care about is a peaceful, prosperous and comfortable community to live in. Then I came across these articles. What the hell... Now I AM INFLUENCED by what policy they are making. If you don't know how to run a country, then don't run for candidacy. Or at the very least, don't make such ridiculous promise just for the sake of winning a seat without thinking of the consequences to the country. Yes, the promise seems very attractive. Petrol subsidy is essential for the people of the nation BUT it's ALL about balance. You can't expect to tackle one issue without sacrificing another in the economy. Are they trying to push us back to being a socialise economy? Yeah, that sounds like fun. Lets go back to using coupons to get food in the country. Ration it and divide equally regardless of taste, need or effort put in. This statement came in light just a day after I read about Melaka government trying to offer jobs to poor people but they refuse to work as they would prefer to receive benefits instead. (Of course, I haven't factored in those who are REALLY incapable. Hopefully the statistics would already have.) And I dislike beggers!!! Go find a job! A cleaner, a nanny, clerk... Whatever... If you are capable enough to walk around asking for money, you are capable enough to at least swipe the floor or probably be a translator for the blind or something. At least, now you know who I will NOT be voting for. Hmmph!!!

Copied from www.utusan.com.my

Syor Pas tak masuk akal
KUALA LUMPUR 19 Feb. – Cadangan Pas menubuhkan negara kebajikan disifatkan sebagai tidak masuk akal dalam keadaan dunia menghadapi kenaikan harga minyak mentah mencecah AS$100 dolar (RM320) setong.

Justeru, banyak pihak berpendapat, konsep itu hanya janji manis parti pembangkang untuk menawan hati pengundi yang akhirnya menyebabkan rakyat hidup melarat dan tertekan.

Presiden Persekutuan Syarikat-Syarikat Tersenarai Awam, Datuk Seri Megat Najmuddin Megat Khas berkata, Pas perlu lebih realistik dengan konsep negara kebajikan kerana bukan mudah menyalurkan begitu banyak subsidi kepada rakyat ketika harga minyak mentah di pasaran dunia semakin melambung.

Menurut beliau, kerajaan sudah pun membelanjakan RM40 bilion setahun untuk pemberian pelbagai bentuk subsidi termasuk petrol dan gas sedangkan peruntukan itu boleh digunakan untuk melaksanakan pelbagai bentuk pembangunan.

Katanya, subsidi itu yang berjumlah RM200 bilion untuk tempoh lima tahun menyamai keseluruhan peruntukan pembangunan Rancangan Malaysia Kesembilan (RMK-9).

“Pas tidak akan mampu memberi begitu banyak subsidi secara berterusan tanpa meningkatkan pendapatan negara. Adakah ini bermakna cukai akan ditingkatkan?’’ kata Megat Najmuddin ketika dihubungi Utusan Malaysia di sini hari ini.

Beliau mengulas rancangan Pas untuk melancarkan manifesto rasmi bertajuk Negara Berkebajikan pada Khamis ini.

Setiausaha Agung Pas, Datuk Kamaruddin Jaafar berkata, manifesto setebal lebih 20 muka surat itu mengandungi tawaran-tawaran munasabah mengandungi penyelesaian kepada kegawatan ekonomi kepada rakyat Malaysia tidak kira jantina, kaum dan agama.

Sementara itu, Penasihat Jawatankuasa Bertindak Pelaksanaan Negara (NITF), Datuk Zainal Aznam Yusoff berkata, tindakan mewujudkan ‘negara kebajikan’ akan menjadikan rakyat semakin malas dan tidak berani menghadapi risiko.

‘‘Adakah ini bermaksud Pas akan membiayai perbelanjaan rakyat seumur hidup sehingga mereka tidak perlu mengeluarkan wang satu sen pun?’’ tanya beliau.

Menurutnya, pemberian subsidi tidak boleh diteruskan selama-lamanya kerana ia akan menjejaskan pembangunan negara.

Pakar ekonomi dan perbankan Islam, Datuk Dr. Nik Norzrul Thani Nik Hassan Thani pula berkata, hasrat Pas menubuhkan ‘negara kebajikan’ dikhuatiri melumpuhkan daya saing negara.

Beliau berpendapat, rakyat akan disogok dengan pelbagai bentuk elaun dan subsidi sehingga menyebabkan mereka hilang motivasi diri serta semangat keusahawanan.

Menurutnya, Nabi Muhammad s.a.w sendiri seorang tokoh perniagaan yang giat mengembangkan ekonomi umat Islam, bukan bersandarkan kepada kebajikan semata-mata.

‘‘Jangan sampai dikongkong oleh pemerintah sehingga daya saing kita semakin lumpuh,’’ ujarnya.

Copied from www.thestar.com.my

Shafie hits out at ‘quack’ solutions
KUALA LUMPUR: The opposition’s simple solution to complex world economic trends is irresponsible and akin to the “economics of Donald Duck,” said Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs Minister Datuk Shafie Apdal.
Shafie chided the opposition for promising to reduce the price of petrol and diesel and to become more charitable if elected.
“The only way they can achieve this is by increasing the level of subsidy which was RM43bil last year,” he said yesterday.
“This is possible but totally unrealistic and extremely damaging as it will lead to higher inflation, loss of businesses and lower standard of living.
“The government has no intention of allowing the country to become a comic-strip economy.”
Shafie said this in his speech at the launch of the Credit Counselling and Debt Management Agency's (AKPK's) newly upgraded website. His speech was read out by the ministry’s deputy secretary-general (domestic trade) Dr Muzahet Masruri.
Shafie said steps such as careful enforcement of price controls were being taken to reduce financial pressures on the people and to minimise effects of rising global prices.
He commended Bank Negara and AKPK for their work in helping Malaysians in debt, which often occurred due to lack of knowledge in managing their finances.
“More than 26,000 people have received counselling and some 9,000 individuals have been helped under AKPK’s free debt management programme since it was set up in 2006.
“As of September last year, total household debt was about RM351bil with non-performing loans of about 7% (RM24.57bil.) Of this, credit card debt amounted to RM21.6bil,” he said, adding that those referred to AKPK were mostly in their 30s and 40s. Other debt include personal, housing and car loan.
AKPK chief executive officer Mohamed Akwal Sultan said their website www.akpk.org.my provided online advice within 24 hours to help individuals be more prudent with their finances.

Update 2 2008

I'm back... What a surprise... even to myself. Second update this month. hehe. Well, all you need is to get into the second gear and keep increasing it (mentang2 lah bawak manual :p) haha. And thanx you sweet ppl... I thot I lost all readers. (Wait a minute... why do I need readers? What's the purpose of me writing this blog? To update ppl on my life or to serve as my diary? Peer pressure? Hmm... Oh ya, to update ppl on my life... so without readers who am I updating, right? And occasionally it does serve as my diary so ppl, if you do read those kind of entries, do keep it to yourself =p After all, it's private! [Yeah, right~] But as I said before, I consider ppl who read my blog my friends, probably friends-of-friends... coz I don't advertise my blog to the whole world. So when it comes to private entries, that's me trying to pour out to my beloved sweet friends. Awwhhh. hehe.)

Ok, ok. Back to the real world. So far, I am starting to get things in place. Unpacked the last box of things from the UK (that's because Dina already asked for her books, which were shipped in my box and arrived like months ago). And I joined the aerobic class Dina recommended. So far, went to 2 classes already. It's really good and fun :) Tried to go for more but sadly, can't make it after work. With the traffic, I just can't make it on time. ~ My little baby neo is fine. Took it for its first 1000km service. Man, with free labour, it still cost me about RM150. Combined that with first monthly installment, aerobic fees and belly belt, I'm going deficit this month. Hope things would pick up later. If not, I'm really going broke. Also having trouble finding time and energy to keep it clean.

Work... My current boss is really sweet. She took time of her busy schedule to always include me in. Took me to luncheon with other bankers, sent me to meetings and sent me to briefings. She's nice... very willing to teach. Very appreciative of my work. Though I made some mistakes, she chose to see it from the bright side, saying it's pretty good for a first timer. Here I am, feeling all stupid for making mistake in such an important work but she's so motivating. (me hug her) And I am getting pretty comfortable with my colleagues. Now I don't feel like leaving. But at the same time, I want to know what else is out there. Then again, boss is supportive saying it's unfair for me to not finish my round. Awh, me so lucky. Now I need to see and decide which department I want to go next... provided there's vacancy in that department. SPA (Suruhanjaya Perkhidmatan Awam) offered me to go for an interview for the PTD (Pegawai Tadbir & Diplomatic) position today. Since I am determined to pursue my dream to become a trader, I am letting that go. Called JPA, and they said, since it is hard to get work these days and I already have one, I should just go with it. They released me from the bond since I completed everything.. sent in completion form, applied for work with SPA and "waited" 6 months to be called. After all, a LOT of ppl want to work for them and they only have limited place. Letting me go would actually be a win-win position for both of us.

CFA wise, me opened account already. But am thinking of paying next month. Coz I need to pay before 17 March to get cheap price. At the same time, I am trying to get an extra month in ASB(to earn extra dividend). Haih, so sad, no money to study. Need to draw down savings. All money! money! money! now. Sometimes I feel a tiny bit of regret for buying the car a bit early in life. If only I waited a bit longer, I could have saved a lot more. But when I think of how I reallllllllyyyyyy neeed the car, it is just the best decision I could make at this point of time. Well, lucky I live with mummy. At least she could still partly take care of me.

Life wise... I am sooooooo happy to be home. I mean I don't have a tiny bit of regret for not working there in the UK. Different ppl have different taste, different needs, different capabilities. And me... I'm just happy here, regardless of what ppl think I should do. After all, I need to decide what's best for me. So this is it! ~ My second life, in TornCity, is fine... Trying to balance real life and game life. Especially that I'm married in there to a guy from the US. The time difference and commitment, are making me twice as bz. Well, not twice, just a bit more. But now that Val's Day over (not that I do much actually), I should be free-er, except for the occasional chaining (that's attacking ppl in other faction at a specific time determined by the leader).

Ok peeps. Me need to go do all the cleaning now. Laundry. Wash car. Iron clothes. Maybe clean toilet too. Haha. Owh yeah, clean self, especially now that I just got back from that aerobic class. (See, car help take me there. If not, I'd have to take a cab... Pay... and wait under the hot sun for God knows how long. At least, it helps get my life together. No no... me not regret for having my baby) So later peeps... hope this post last u long enough until the next update. Haha.

P/s: bojol... I'll try to look into that chatbox when I feel like it. heh

Back to blogging?

Hey peeps... Surprise to see a new entry??? I doubt ppl even visits this page anymore but to irna... who scolded me for being too lazy to do anything and asked me to update my blog... here's one entry for you :p

Right. Where do I start? It has just been too damn long since the last post. Let me just say I bought a new car? It's a black 1.6 manual H-Line Satria Neo... Yes, it is small but I don't care coz I can fit in pretty well in there. My bf??? He'll manage. :)

Guess which one is mine? ^_^

Work wise... I'm currently attached to CIMB-Principal Asset Management, after I completed my classroom program. (Well, not totally complete anyway. I have another ONE class to attend) Learning, Learning and Learning!

Study wise... Planning to take CFA in December. Initially wanted to take the June sitting but feels that it's quite heavy for me to handle right now. Better get my life in place first.

Marriage plans... Nothing in the calendar yet. So better not hold your breathe to that. (Am just putting it here so that ppl would stop "harassing" me by asking that question again and again.

Relationship wise... Yeah... we're good ;) =D kiss kiss sygku... (I'm pretty damn sure he stops reading this already) (What's with the *damn* word. Seems to be overly used. And what's with this thought in a thought, double bracket thing ??? )

Hmm, what else? I'm currently body conscious. I TRY not to eat dinner... Trying to look for gyms to attend. Found Dina's aerobik class. Think I'll give that a try.

And lastly, I wonder when would the next post be... Soon or a few months more down the road? Hehe... Adios peeps...

Growing Up...

"It hurts to grow. Anyone who tells you it doesn't is lying." Quoted from S4E1 Grey's Anatomy.

Berbuke with the girls

It's been awhile since I last met them so when Irna suggested for us to bukak puasa together, I was really happy to meet my old friends although I had to go there wearing my working attire and had to take the CIMB van to go to KL Sentral (which was really packed). Old friends... hmm, I guess we can say that... now that we've known each other for more than 10 whole years.Since it was quite a last minute plan, only 5 of us turned up; Irna, Zue, Asserk, Nanad and Me. We ate at Nando's and stayed there until 10 or so. (To Jimmy and Joe, I would say I was rather satisfied with their food and service, though it was actually a bit slow) Refusing to go back early, we went to Taman Tasik Titiwangsa to hang out for awhile. Took pictures with the Eye On Malaysia and goof around, all the while telling old jokes and stories. What's weird is that, with the exception of Irna, everyone's phone kept on ringing. Parents couldn't stop calling, asking when we would be back, including MY MOM. Owh My. I just said my mum wouldn't be bothered so much what time I come home as long as I tell her my whereabouts. I guess, we should all give them some credits, given the recent incident of Nurin Jazlin Jazimin (an 8-year-old girl who got abducted, raped and killed after going to Pasar Malam alone). Al-Fatihah to her... Not that we are 8 years old anymore, but it Is a dangerous world out there so it's understandable for parents to be worried. As for Irna's parents, it's not like they don't care. Irna's not staying with her parents at the moment since she's renting in Cyber so they didn't know she was out. At mid-night, we called Sarr and Aiya, wishing them happy birthday. Thought of calling Ipok to wish her too but didn't want to disturb the new-mum so we abandoned the nobel thought. Here are some pics from that outing.

Thought we had enough for the night? Totally wrong. Hazmi joined us soon afterwards but unfortunately we had to send Nanad back since she would have an early start the next day. So there we were again... 5 packs. Went to "kedai bubur" for a drink and lepak2. The 3 of them kept on searching for the place's name. For the many times Hazmi & I have been there, I only knew that place as kedai-bubur-yg-ade-swimming-pool-tuh. Now it's The Lodge Poolside (hmm, sounds weird), or something like that. I ordered one bowl of chicken porridge and Hazmi can't take his eye of that bowl. hehe... sorry dear. You were caught on camera.

At about 3am, we went back and the girls went to their respective homes. All in all, I had fun and glad I decided to meet up with these old friends of mine. ;)
A random comment, I miss my tripod. t_t

Happy 5th Anniversary!!!

Happy Happy Happy Anniversary to Hazmi & Me =D

here's a "stupid" picture of our celebration... karaok-ing and laughing all night long. heheh

Kuching

I feel like i'm getting lazier and lazier to update my blog. SoOner or later, I think this blog would get abandoned. That would depends on my boredom level and workload. Well, Penang was kinda fun. apart from the fact that I was not feeling well all week there. Nearly asked for a MC but lucky I managed to get some rest b4 continuing work. After 2 weeks in office, I'm going to fly off again tmrw, this time to Kuching, Sarawak. Sounds like fun eyh? I've never been there before so I hope I would enjoy this trip. Lots of new thing to learn, lots of exciting things to see. So ppl, wish me luck ^_^... Take care and chiow~

I'm Working Now

Hi Hi Hi... I'm now a working lady. Still can't quite believe it myself. The second day of working, when mummy woke me up saying I'm late, I woke up thinking, late for what??? haha. It took me a few seconds to realize I'm late for WoRk!!! Well, not that late actually, just on time. ~ I've been working for a week now. Actually, more of learning than actually working. For which company? CIMB, of course ;) hehe... So happy. Alhamdulillah. I seem to like it here. My first department is Corporate Assurance. I'll be flying to Penang this Monday for my first assignment. What do I have to do exactly, I have No Idea. I'm screwed, am I not? haha. Lets just see what happens. Hopefully all goes well... I really like this company so I have to perform well. hehe. Ok then. Anything, just gimme a call ppl. I'm back home... just bz working =p C ya ard...

Tadaima!

Hey ppl. I'm home. I seem to be very quiet lately eyh. So the very bz. hehe. Bz travelling, Bz packing, Bz closing down accounts, Bz catching up with sleep... and the list goes on. I must admit I was very sad to leave london. Nearly cried when I was leaving LSE for the last time. (but I didn't. The weather did though. It cried so heavily that I was forced to stay behind, probably to enjoy the view and capture the feeling for one last time) So here I am, back home. Back to my family and back to my friends. Back to my hometown, and not to forget, back to my hubby's side (to the disappointment of some parties) I see desperate measure being taken but too bad ppl. I'm here for good now.
So what have I been up to? Rest, Date, Movie, Game, Called CIMB. The last one being the most important thing. Have to sit for an aptitude test this Friday and going to start working the next Monday, which is the 6th of August. =_= huu, that soon. Maybe it's good. I'm getting all rusty here and I need to give a powerpoint presentation to CIMB when I start work for them. Erk~ Ok then, that's all for now. Gtg back to my harry potter book. Been holding it for a week already and abg's started asking for it. Chiow~

Alhamdulillah

Rather than wasting my time staring into space, I should update my blog. Have been posting random entries to avoid writing a real one but I ShoUlD write something... type i mean. Read a few ppl's blogs and realised I haven't been updating my friends on my current status. So what's new in my life. I'm graduating tomorrow. My result was just out yesterday. Alhamdullilah. Allah allowed me to get a 2:1 after all. I am so very thankful to Him... It was a close one. Short of a few marks here and there could have denied me the grade. Was quite scary but Alhamdulillah... So I guess I am going to CIMB after this, turning a new leaf, starting a new phase in life... there. Hopefully everything would be alright. I am very hopeful at the moment. Hoping life could turn out good. Not that it's not. It is ok, just a bit... heavy, I feel. Maybe not So heavy compared to a lot others. Sigh. I should start to learn to be thankful with my life, with what I have... All in all, life is fine. Turning a new leaf is exciting. I'm looking forward to my new life. Pray that everything would be great. ^_^

How will you be defined in the dictionary?

Farah --
[noun]:

A person who laughs at anything (even this entry)

Hahahaha, found this on mimi's blog. I can't even stop myself from laughing. This is so funny. Try it here.

Hazmi --
[adjective]:

Smells like teen spirit

Hmm, no wonder... he would never mature.

Which One Are You?

Message: First, identify yourself as right or left brain person:

1. Hold your hands together, as if you were praying. Look at your hands. If you see

Left thumb is below the right thumb ---> left brain
Right thumb is below the left thumb ---> right brain

2. Fold your arms in front of you (as if you are angry)

Right arm above left arm ---> left brain
Left arm above right arm ---> right brain

Based on 1+2 (order important), below is the interpretation of your personality:

Right-Left
==========
Considerate, traditional, indirect type can instantly read other's emotion, and respond friendly by natures. Although not very into taking initiatives in moving forward, but this person will always take a step back in supporting others. Stable personality and considerate, give others a being protected feeling. But the weakness is they cannot say no; regardless how unwilling they are, they will take care of others.

Right-Right
===========
Loves challenges type

Straightforward. Once they decided on one thing, will take action right away. Very curious, and love challenges. Dare to face dangers without thinking through (sometimes foolishly). Their weakness is they don't listen to others, will filter in only what whey want to hear in a conversation, and very subjective. However, because of their straightforward attitude, they end to be fairly popular.

Left-Left
=========
Dedicated, cold, perfectionist

Very logical in all aspects. The only way to defeat (or win over) him/her is through reasons. Has a lot of prides, and feeling strongly about doing the right thing. If they are your friends, they are very trustworthy. However, if they are your opponents, they will be very tough to deal with. Because they can be very "anal" as a perfectionist, they usually leave a bad impression of being hard to deal with when first met.


Left-Right
==========
Likes to take care of others, leader type

Has a cool and keen observation ability to see through situations, yet still can be considerate in others needs. Because of their cool and calm nature, and strong sense of responsibility, they tend to become head of a group. Popular among people. However, they may not be able to help themselves in meddling because they want to take care of others too much. Very concerned about how others view them, and always on alert.

Birthday Celebration

Sorry for the long silence. I was rather busy holidaying =p Didn't get the chance to update my blog or reply ppl's wishes be it on friendster or blog. Thanx to everyone who did. ^_^ Here's a short update. I'm now in Scotland, disturbing my ex-schoolmate Wafa, who is studying in Glasgow. We went to Edinburgh today and it was real fun (despite the fact that we were so belagak and didn't bring our jackets while it was damn cold)
So... my birthday celebration. I decided to mark my 23rd birthday by being a kid =p My housemates, bf and I went to Legoland, Windsor, joined by Yat and Lion. Although we should feel a bit out of place (should... coz I don't. haha), it was an enjoyable experience. Looking around, every group had at least a toddler with them. My group claimed they had a baby with them too. haha. I'm honoured. Whatever¬ Basically there were rides and a lot of statues made of legos around. But the most interesting part was the lego mini europe. It was very beautiful. Didn't quite believe that they were all made from tiny little legos. I would upload the photos later when I'm back in London. Till then, take care ^_^

Happy Birthday To Me!

hihi. i'm 23 today

And you wonder why ppl call me baby?

Aida: b, apsal rambut u extra lurus? (Why is your hair extra straight?)
Me: Hah? Mane ade. Mmg bukan lurus ke? (Hasn't it always been straight?)
Mimi: Sbb u sikat rambut eh~ (Must be because you comb your hair)
(Because I comb my hair very seldomly)

Me: Eh, b bau busuk laa (I feel smelly)
Mimi: U dah mandi blom? (Have u taken your shower?)
Me: ??? Dah La!!! (Of course!!!)
(Because I'm so lazy to shower. But I still shower everyday... most of the time =p)

Me: Tak lalu makan (No appetite to eat)
*Saw mimi took out her carbonated drink and took mine from the fridge
Dina: U nak minum air gas, perut kosong? (You want to drink carbonated drink with empty stomach?)
Aida & Mimi: Haa, nanti masuk angin. Ni gas tau. (Might feel bloated later coz it's gassy.)
Me: ... Fine. I finish my food first.

Life is full of uncertainty

A few weeks ago, I was so excited when I got a conditional offer from CIMB. Now, my future is in a haze. After 3 papers down, I would say I didn't do very well. Hope is all I have now. Well, I feel like I can't take this anymore but I should not and can't give up just yet. I have another paper left. Apart from being under prepared, I am not in my right mind right now. ~entry sensored~ All I can say now is, if my result turn out to be so bad, probably this job is not suitable for me. It is more about whether I can handle pressure and separate my emotion from my professional mind rather than whether I can actually study everything I have learnt. After all, the job is very demanding and stressful. All I know, Allah knows best. For that, don't put your hopes up just yet.

Exam Timetable!

Alritey ppl. Here's my timetable. To you guys, GOOD LUCK & ALL THE BEST PPL! =D

15 May 2007 - AC300: Corporate Finance, Investments and Financial Markets
17 May 2007 - MA300: Game Theory
18 May 2007 - AC330: Financial Accounting and Analysis
23 May 2007 - AC340: Auditing, Governance and Risk Management

Saya sayang housemates saya

Housemates saye semua sgt sweet. Diorg layan saye takut lipan dalam bilik air. Diorg tolong gune bilik air dulu sebelum saye gune sbb kalau tak, saye takut nak masuk. Diorg tlg pegi beli racun lipan and tabur dalam bilik air. Diorg tolong ajar saye bile saye tak paham. Diorg bagi saye tgk contoh jawapan yg lebih baik. Bile saye bosan, diorg teman saye sembang, main dan makan. Kadang2, diorg siap tolong masakkan makanan. Bile saye sedih, diorg tolong dgr dan pujuk saye. Bile saye panik nak interview, diorg bagi soalan dan teman saye pegi pagi2 bute. Next week kitorg start final exam. Semue org tgh sebuk study skrg. Tahun depan semue org bawak hal masing2. Nanti saye akan miss housemates saye. Jage diri baik2 kawan2.

p/s: Excuse the "jiwang" entry. But I really hate those centipedes.

Daddy's little girl

I just called my dad to ask about something. Before hanging up, he asked what I was doing. I answered, "I am supposed to be studying but I am so lazy. Scold me! Scold me!" Then my dad said "Dah besar dah, tak payah scold. Kene study sendiri." (something like that) What I forgot was, my dad never scold me, since I was little until now. He never, in my entire life, raised his voice at me. All he had to do was gimme a disappointed look and I'd start crying already so there's no need to scold me. Haha. Well, sometimes he did gimme a lecture about this and that. (Whether it actually sticks in my head is a different issue =p) Thinking about it makes me miss my dad. No matter how far apart we are, no matter what happens, I am always his daughter. It's in my blood, it's in my heart.

PKO - Bye bye MyrMidonS

As exam's getting nearer, everyone's getting busier including Hazmi and me. The constant demand from managing a guild in PKO has made Hazmi gave up his position as a guild leader. He handed over the honor to AkechiSamanosuke, a very active and trusted member from our previous guild. Hence, now we have a new guild called Prophecy. A mixed of new and old members, with a new name, searching for a new adventure. But the memories in MyrMidonS will be always remembered. ^^On a different topic, this is us, (back when we were still in MyrMidonS), in our "normal" wear. Recently, Hazmi bought us a new pair of apparel each. I like my new one but it's a bit "sexier" (since "my" belly button is now visible) and it makes me looks thinner and smaller (than I already am). Hazmi's one looks very... hmm... different. Not the knight in the shining armour look anymore. But very colourful. Hehe. Interesting =)

Happy 55 Months!

I know I should be studying right now but I just wanna write oneee short entry. All I want to say is Happy 55 months to Mr Mohd Hazmi and me. Love you so so so much. hehe. Can't wait to have you here. Muahs!

More about me

Continuation from the last entry

6) I'm scared of dogs

I think I'm qualified to be called a cynophobia. I don't really know why I fear them so much. It's not like I had a scary history with them or anything but my fear of dogs got worse here because there's just so many of them around.

7) I love roller coasters

This is my way of having fun... I enjoy the adrenalin rush moments when riding a roller coaster. Plain roller coasters aren't that exciting anymore. I want adventure... not accidents... just pure adventure on the ride.

8) I treasure my belongings

And because of that, I think, I'm quite possessive. This is quite related to #1. I know what I want. When I got it, I will usually treasure it. For example, I still use my Baby G watch that my dad gave me as a present when I was 15. I am still using my mechanical pencil I bought when I was 16. (I only have one mechanical pencil of that kind when my brother had about 10 that time. I don't think he even has 1 left now.) There are a few other watches and pencils but these particular ones are among the things I treasure. It may seem insignificant to you but I will definitely feel sad if my things are lost or broken. That's why I labeled my stuff when I was in school. Not that I think people would steal it, but it's easier for me to spot my stuff so that I don't have to constantly buy new ones. To put it simply, I treasure my belongings and take care of my stuff.

9) In the UK, I track my expenses and cash flow to the last penny

This is because of my limited budget. I barely had enough allowance in a month so I have to keep track of my expenses. It's just that I take it a little too seriously, knowing I don't remember what I have to pay and had paid, thanx to my short term memory. I recorded every single movement of my cash and bank transaction. What better way to put my knowledge into practice eh? However, I only do that here in the UK for now, not in Malaysia. Probably I'd start doing that later in Malaysia when I start earning my own money. hehe.

10) I don't like shopping

It is weird being a girl that dislikes shopping but growing up with my dad contributed to this trait. Or maybe it is just in my genes as people always say that I am a carbon copy of my dad. I take up mostly everything he likes or does. It's not that I don't go shopping at all. I still go shopping for the things I need or when I feel like spending some money but not as a hobby. Shopping, to me, is a very tiring activity. Some of my friends even commented that I shop like a guy. Come to think of it, that might be true. Ahh, I'm sure my bf's happy about that because he dislikes shopping more than I do.

11) I get cranky when I am sleepy or hungry

When I am sleepy but forced to stay up, I would start talking crap. Even I can't understand myself sometimes. My brain would not function at its best when I'm sleepy. Back when I was in TKC, if Nana Khairi came to my room to ask an add maths question after lights off, I would have to send her back and promise to go find her first thing in the morning. Even if I tried, my brain refuse to function without enough sleep. It's like a battery to a laptop. As for when I am hungry, I would keep on saying "hungry, hungry, hungry" consciously or unconsciously until I get my food. I'm like a small new born baby, crying for attention until it's fed. Do you think you can stand me??? A challenge up for grab. Haha

Well, 11 is enough for now. Tadaa...

About Me

I feel like starting a new section in my blog today. As the title suggest, it is About-me. Not only it would help you readers to know me better, it will also help me to improve myself and remind me what I am or was like. So for today's entry of about-me section:

1) I usually know what I want

When I want something, I only want that particular one. For example, when I first saw the latest version of Toyota Celica (I was a senior in high school then), I fell in love with it straight away. After nearly a decade, I am still deeply in love with the car. I do have crushes on some others like Mazda RX8 or Lamborghini Gallardo but I only want Toyota Celica!
The lastest example would be CIMB. I wanted to work for CIMB ever since I decided I don't want to do audit. I dreamt of going to work with my cousin (because she live and work nearby) MoNtHs before I submit my application. I nearly missed my chance because I thought they weren't coming to the UKEC careers fair (because I don't want to apply to other firms just to try my luck). That's how much I really want to work for them. At least for the near future. =)

2) I don't like to be disturbed when I am really watching something... be it movie or tv shows

Probably everyone doesn't like to be disturbed but I think it's quite bad in my case. I get really annoyed sometimes that I would totally block the person words from entering my thoughts. The "good" thing is... it only applies when I'm REALLY watching it. The problem is, I think, it is quite hard to tell when I am really watching something or just simple looking at it. The best thing to do is leave me alone for awhile until the show is over or wait for the commercials. Don't ask me questions unrelated to the show Unless it is important. (Fear of forgetting it later can be considered important =p haha) I just don't like ppl distracting me away from the show or give spoilers to what's going to happen Unless I ask for it

3) I have really bad memory

I tend to forget things easily unless I chose to store it in my long term memory box. In short, I have short term memory loss. Sometimes ppl get annoyed or irritated because of this but I really can't help it. For example, I asked Yat whether she had watched "The Prestige" or not when actually I went to see the movie with her. Lucky me, Yat understands me too well to take it personally.

4) I am very lazy

Do I need an explanation for this? I don't like studying... I don't like cooking. (But I love to eat) I don't like to exercise. (For health reason, that is... I might execise for fun like playing the dance mat or jumping around like crazy bunny though) I don't like to do anything at all that is not fun. For that, I am going to grow old fast... huhuu.

5) I am quite messy

This one is a follow up from the 4th one... since I am lazy, I don't keep my things neatly. It is all over the place. But I only accept my own mess because although it is very messy, there is still a system to it. For example, when I went back home and my room was not as I left it before, I was sooo restless that I had to clean it up immediately and then... make my OWN mess. haha.

This post just shows how lazy I am. The paragraphs are getting shorter and shorter. I am very hungry right now... I will write more soon.

My Dream Wedding!

I admit I am a bit weird. For instance, I wanted to highlight my hair striking blue, though it's actually meaningless to some people since I wear "tudung", no one could actually see it. What do I care? I want it for myself. Another story, when I went to Kelantan for Abg Mi's (Hazmi's bro) engagement, Kak Ina (Hazmi's sister) asked me what is my dream wedding. At first, I was a bit reluctant to tell them coz it IS a bit weird. She thought I wanted a beautiful wedding like Cinderella with white horses and everything. But instead I said, I want to have a simple wedding dinner at a hall, followed by a gig, and I want to sing myself. A gig party for my wedding. So unromantic eh? After that conversation, I never thought of any other dream wedding.

Today, I had a conversation with Nadia and we were talking about everything under the sun including future plans and weddings. A story of a friend's wedding came up. About half a platun attended this girl's wedding wearing sea cadets uniform. I'm assuming that was how they knew the bride because she was a very active sea cadet and it seems that they are very patriotic and attached to it. Sure is impressive. Then it suddenly hit me. Hazmi is considering to be a police inspector. So I might be able to expect a police wedding ceremony. Owh... I want to walk under an array of swords... That would be cool... I want that! I want that!!! If police don't have swords, I don't mind walking under a handful of M16 guns. haha.

Since this one is more realistic than the first one (because it is not all that weird), probably it would substitute the gig. (Hazmi's parents also had this wedding because his dad used to be in the police force.) But if possible, Can I have both? 1 for my side => the gig, and 1 for his side => the procession. Uh wee... I like ^_^

Pop Goes My Heart

I like this video. It's so retro & funny. LOL

CIMB! Here I come...

I would really like to write a long entry but I don't have that much time since I haven't started studying yet. I actually have a lot to talk about but lost the excitement already. Haha. Long story short, I got a conditional offer from CIMB! Thanx to everyone who helped me through the application process... you know who you are. From checking my CV, giving me possible interview questions to being my "wingman" on the interview day itself, THANK YOU! Love you all. hehe. All I need now is a 2:1 for my degree... Then I'm all set to go. Wish me luck ^^

Just stress

hihi. I have now figured out my problem. I am just experiencing the same thing I experience every year around this point of time... my annual stress period. Thanx to Aida who pointed out an article about it in the Beaver this week... Apparently it is not so uncommon to feel this way at this point of time. I was just saying I need someone or something to comfort me in the last entry. It somehow made me miss my high school friends. I miss the time when there would always be someone to comfort and support me. Yes, things are different now. For one thing, I have a bf but it's simply not the same. He is sweet and kind and caring but he kinda dislikes weak people. He would be there to support me when I need motivation, when I am being simply spoilt wanting his attention, but he won't give me support when I am in a fragile state like this. Not just me actually... anyone in this state. Well, in a way, it's not totally his fault. It's just a trait. Like my trait for being quite weak under pressure. Anyway, back to my story, I was thinking about the old times, being surrounded by my ever supportive friends, who persevered through my constant whining and crying. Then, I suddenly realized, at least one friend is still around. Yat!!! hehe. Just wanna say thank you. You cheered up my day. Hahaha... Now, I'm laughing again.

T_T

For those of you who are unfamiliar with emoticons, the title simply symbolises *crying*. Well, I am not literally crying right now but I think I'm crying for help. The problem is I don't know who should I turn to. Usually, I'd turn to my mum but I don't want her to worry about me. Thought of calling my dad but I'm not so sure whether he would be the right person to speak to. My best friends... I don't think they can say anything much about what I am going through. My bf... hmm, don't quite feel like talking to him now. Somehow I find his flirting annoys me these past few days. Not just that, whenever I point it out, he says "sorry, sory, sorry" without actually mean it. I mean, he says sorry but he's actually not sorry at all. He would just keep doing it again, which would annoy me even more. But that's not my problem right now. I can't be bothered to face my issue with him right now coz I have a bigger problem in hand.
My problem is I think... I think... I'm nearing a nervous breakdown. I have no motivation to do anything. I have no direction. I am in no mood to study. I am panicking with my work. I am panicking about exam. I am... ahhh... I am breaking down. Urgh, I HATE it when I am in a fragile state like this. I need motivation. I need someone or something to comfort me. I need a councellor. Damn, I'm weak. I need to be strong T_T

Feeling much better =)

After a few days of sadness, I am glad to say I am back to normal. Continuing the story from the previous entry, the result is as what as ALL of us might have expected. No need to elaborate on that. When I was walking home, I admitted that I was feeling a bit low to discover that ppl can easily uses Allah's name in order to scam ppl. Well, I am a bit frustrated about being "scam" AGAIN but I am more frustrated that ppl are making fun of my religion that easily. I hope he burnt in hell for that... and yes, he owed me in the after life... I'll claim it then. Walking back after class, I did say... I want mummy. But what can I do... she's so far away. So I got back home and was comforted by Naruto 3rd episode instead. Surprisingly, I felt better already after that.

At 5 something Malaysian time, I suddenly got a call from mummy. Was a bit surprised coz she usually waited for my call rather than calling me herself. Then she kept on asking whether I was ok. Forgetten everything that I said or felt, I said I was fine. After awhile, I remembered and admitted that I WAS feeling low but I'm much better now. Refused to talk about it. Mummy, being a mom, was very worried and insisted I tell her the story. In the end, I gave in and told her part of the story. After hearing it, instead of saying how stupid I was, she said, it's ok. "If you need money, I can send it to you..." Then, she rephrased. "Can I send you some money?" Haha, how sweet but I rejected the offer because I am still ok. Plus I know she is kinda tight on money too. But the thought is very very sweet.

Then at 6 something, my bf called me. I was complaining that this past few days he's been ignoring me. He's always too busy with his responsibility in pko. Well, I know he is now the guild leader but he has been this very responsible guild leader, taking care of everyone that makes me feel neglected. He barely has time for us anymore. Well actually, he still talks to me everyday but all we talk about is pko, a few bits and pieces of the day's happenings and let's go to sleep. Huwaa, I want a conversation with my bf. Back to the real story, Hazmi requested to use the webcam and we talk for awhile before both of us went to sleep. I am very very touched that he still take my complains seriously and make an effort to spend time with me. As for me, I complain a lot, don't I? A bit spoilt there, I admit. Well, I am blessed to have such wonderful family and friends around me. To hell the scammers out there. Can't wait for Hazmi & Mummy to be here. Love you two so much...

A bad day...

Short in cash, I accepted a job from the student recruitment centre which includes campus tour, registration and setting up the classes. When I went for the briefing, I was told that I would be expected to handle a bunch of A-Levels students, which includes ice-breaking session. Damn, my communication skill's crap. This would be my first time doing this. But I guess, I would just give it a go and try my best.

The day arrived... The sun was shining brightly... a good start. I arrived slightly early although piccadilly line was experiencing severe delays. Still ok. Pin up signs at the classroom doors, ushering ppl in for registration, talking to other ambassadors... not so bad but I realized I don't talk that much. Perhaps not in the mood or I have no idea what to talk about. Then, campus tour... My partner was so cheerful and confident so I shouldn't have any problem. She asked whether I want to stay in front or at the back, I said, at the back please. After 10 mins tour, I realized, I didn't say a single word to anyone. I'm SUPPOSED to be giving them a tour not following them around. My partner tried to include me to say a few words but I can't think of any. Then, I started to feel down. We went to the Wright's bar, Old building, I took them into the Old Theater not saying anything (or actually mumbled something but no one could actually hear me.) Library... Clair market building... SU shop... back to the Hong Kong Theater... nothing... I didn't say a word. Then, I started panicking. What the hell was I doing there? I tried to find something to say but I was tongue tight.

I felt really guilty to my partner. What's wrong with me? Niomi came to see me asking whether I was ok... I blurted out I feel like I can't do this... She said I'd be fine coz Z, my partner, is so experienced. I replied, I noticed that but then I still feel guilty. Then she said it's ok. She'll try to help out later. I went to apologize to Z. She said "Don't worry. Just jumped in if you want to say something. I tend to talk a lot." Cutting the story short, I was useless for the rest of the day. Lucky Z was so understanding and helpful. Was so thankful it lasted only 3+ hours. I was wondering what happened to the bubbly, friendly, talkative me. Was I scared? Was I feeling down? I dunno... Even the students in my group are friendlier. They tried to make conversations, ask questions and everything but then either my reply was very short or I can't answer the question. Urghhh!

After all that's over, I was walking home when I was stopped by a guy. He was trying to go into the praying room but apparently it's closed. Yeah well, it's saturday. He told me he went there frequently, joined the jumaah prayers in LSE and everything. Suddenly he started telling me his problems and saying he needed help. Money of course. Damn, why do I keep bumping into this professional beggers. Just because I wear headscarf, indicating my religion, I am becoming a target of this professional beggers. He told me his van was clamped, got to take it immediately bla bla bla. Just converted 6 months ago, family abandoned him bla bla bla... He asked for 23 pounds. I didn't have 23 pounds, so I withdrew money and gave him 25 pounds. Then he said, he needed more for VAT, about 17 pounds more... I added 5, then he said, not enough, have to keep asking ppl so I changed and gave him 40 pounds in total.

Yes, stupid!!! That's the reason why I don't want to tell anyone about it directly. I know there is a 99.5% possibility that the money will be burnt. Furthermore, this is not the first time it happened to me. I should have known better. The last time it happened, I only gave 10 pounds, which was still ok although it's still a lot. The guy took my number and disappeared. The thing is, I cannot help it when ppl say that it's for Allah's sake. It's a weakness... a big one... since I know ppl can use it to their advantage. I once rejected to help a man, then I felt guilty the next 3 days. But IF by any chance the story WAS true, I would be letting down a fellow muslim in need. I heard a lot of stories how Christians always help ppl in trouble, no matter what religion they believe, which attracted more ppl converting into Christian for their kindness. And Islam does promote kindness... well, not stupidity in believing this kind of stories, I know. But IF I was to be put into that situation, really in trouble and no one would help me, what would happen?
My reasonings were:
1) I am giving it for Allah's sake. I would accept the fact that there's a high probability I would not get it back. (As usual, this guy took my number, but he didn't remember his. What could be more obvious?)
2) By having that in my heart, I hope that I would never be in that situation. Lost and helpless... Needing to beg for ppl's kindness for money. As promised, the more you give to ppl, the more you would get back. And I want to be rich... So that I can be the one giving... not the one asking for money.
3) I once said I hate robbers and muggers, who injure and kill ppl for money. If you need money desperately, just ask for it. I might just give it to you if I have some extra.(I mean the desperate ones...stealing because they have no food and place to live. Not the bad ones.)
4)I will get 30 pounds for the job I just finished. And I definitely shouldn't be earning it since I did nothing at all. So not my money in the first place.

However, this is the last time I'm going to do this. At least for now... while I'm a student. To all professional beggers out there, sorry. I don't have any money to be kind and stupid anymore. No more chance for you to do that. Sorry in advance. After the "mugging", I went home feeling low. Prayed and went straight to sleep. Woke up to discover that it's the first day of the "circulation". Is it the answer to my mood swing or a result of the day's happening? God knows.
About that 40 pounds, let's see whether he would actually return my money tomorrow. I'm not counting on it but would like to know whether there are still honest ppl out there or everyone's just a scammer. I will update you on that later.

Nerds...

Back when I was in TKC, I viewed myself as one of the nerds. I once said to my mum, if I was to be in the US, I definitely belong to that group. (I was told that the "mean girls" type of story actually portrays the culture over there.) Well, I WAS much more hardworking that time than I am now but the reason I felt that way was simply because I didn't quite care of my appearance, which made me fell I was not cool enough.

Back to the actually story... I told you before that I took game theory as a subject this year right? One day, when I was going into the lecture theater, a girl walked in and my first impression was "this girl doesn't look like someone who would take game theory as a subject". (No offense to all the pretty ladies out there ^_^) True enough, she spotted her friend and walked out. When I told the story to Yat and Aida, their response was "What's the typical look of a game theorist?" My answer was "Err, I dunno... nerds???" Haha. Ok. Now, no offense to all game theorist out there. (This is going to be one offensive entry. =p) Just take this lightly kay. As time goes by, observation continues. Today I noticed that everyone in the lecture doesn't wear make ups... including the three of us, that is. When I told Aida that, she responded "Yeah, they are mostly guys..." Sheesshh, I meant the girls of course. haha. Not that the girls look very dull or anything. I noticed one girl had her nails polished with a very sweet colour. It's just... well, I hope you get what I mean. All of them have this sophisticated, brainy look like they can answer any complicated questions given to them. That, I exclude myself. I am like the blurrest person in the course. But what the heck... I'm the blurrest among the nerds =p. Eh...

P/s: I do have very pretty friends who are very2 intelligent... these are just my boring observation and useless opinion...

I need a break

Initially, I don't really feel like going to Warwick for the MNight. Tired from my lack of sleep, essay and assignment to be submitted, a lot of catching up to do and mainly, PKO-ing made me feel like I'd rather stay home. Coming to think about it now, I actually need this break... I need a break from this routine I'm starting to adopt. I can't continue on like this. Though I have very sweet housemates reminding me of work and studies, I do need to realise this on my own. Mainly, it's for my own good. Even if they tie me to my chair to study, it's meaningless if my mind is elsewhere. I'm not saying I'm going to stop. It is something I enjoy but it just shouldn't be something that's adding stress to my life. I want it to be a place I spend my time with my beloved Hazmi, not a source of argument. Hence, I should learn to take it slow and balance my life better. I want to do well in my studies and secure a good job. Looking forward to go to Warwick. =) Hope it will do me some good...

PM's Visit to LSE

This is my super-smily-face-picture with our Prime Minister during his visit to the LSE last week. All my housemates including me were really excited to meet him in person. And were more excited to know that our faces appeared on tv. That was a really cool moment. Families and friends called and texted us to tell us that we were on the news... not once but a few times. It was such a big thing... haha. Well, how often do you appear on tv? For someone like me, this is my first time (I think) so it's not surprising that I was SoOo excited.

Apart from that, nothing much happened in my life right now except that I'm an official PKO addict. Yes, it is official now. That's why this blog has been so silent lately. It can't be helped anymore. I'm feeling more and more detached from the real world. Trying hard to balance my life between studies...(the real life) and leisure time... (virtual life). Lets just hope I stay "alive" in this life... in the true meaning of it.

Back In London

Hey people. Sorry for the long silence. I wanted to update this blog earlier but there was a problem with the network in Malaysia following the earthquake in Taiwan. Yes, I went back to Malaysia for about 3 weeks. Lucky me, I managed to get a place on the 9th flight back to London, even though I have to skip school for 2 days. If not, I would have to come back here on the 1st, which would be very sad. It's new year, Hajj Eid and holiday. Not that I did anything actually. Slept all day during raya... only went to the prayers in the morning after my mum started "harrassing" me and my brother. hehe. Followed Hazmi to Melaka on the new year day coz he was having his final sem exam and I wanted to study with him.

I did nothing much during the hols. I definitely did not study at all apart from that one night in Melaka, which was actually more of searching points for my essay. Hah... essay. I made it just in time. Phew... The deadline was Wednesday and by Tuesday morning, I barely had 200 words from the 1500 total. The flight got delayed by 2 hours and when I arrived the tube was also having signalling problem causing severe delay. What a day. What have I been doing actually? Was introduced to PKO (Pirate King Online) by my bf and got hooked to it ever since. Well, not that I am a game freak but I find it an excellent way to spend time with my bf who is playing that all the time, ignoring me along the way. Might as well join him there than starting another fight with him over the game. But it is a cool game. The graphic's superb, the characters are cute and there's so many roles. I can't compare it to any other game coz I've never tried any before but that's what I think of the game at least. Thankful that mummy was so understanding watching me working my @$$ off to level up to 40 asap (so that I can play WITH him rather than being levelled up by him).

Apart from that, I highlighted my hair blue. Well, it is supposed to be blue but it was actually blue black, and now, it is purple. Sigh. Why can't ALL the hairdressers understand what I want. Hate it. Then, my laptop broke down at the very last minute before I came back here. Thanx to the excessive pko hours. That game is sooo addictive. U better not get started. Nearly didn't have time to send it to the service centre. It cost me a fortune to replace the damn fan (*cough* my dad actually. Thanx daddy. Loveee u =p) heh

I also didn't get a chance to meet so many people during the short break. Wanted to meet Hani Joe but there's just so many obstacles. Her friends from Aussie came to visit her. Wanted to call her up when I was in mid valley but I brought the wrong phone so I didn't have her number. But I guess I can still see her after I grad... which would hopefully be this July. Uhh... can't wait for that. Btw, Happy Belated Birthday, Hani Joe dear. Sorry didn't have a chance to meet up with you. Hope u got my sms on ur bday, I didn't forget it but I was kinda... erm... ReAllY messed up during the break. I'll see you in May here in London kay. Take care. Hope u had a good one with ur friends. =D Alrite then, till then. Daa...

Abg's here

My bro's here!!! hehe. He arrived yesterday. But have been sleeping really early these two nights. Still on Malaysian time, it seems. Brought him around London but it was unusually windy today. Apparently London is currently being hit by storm wave or something. Well, hope the weather gets better soon or Abg will only see the ugly side of London's weather here.

Bristol & Bath trip

Last Friday, I went to Bristol right after lecture with Aida, Yat, Lion & DRog. We arrived in Bristol around 7pm and were greeted by one of Anis's housemates. She showed us to Anis's room where we settled down while waiting for Anis to come back from the hospital she was working at. When we entered, we were really amazed by the decoration in the room. The walls were full of nicely chosen postcards and posters. Anis even prepared juice and mugs for us as well as a box of donuts. How very sweet of her... When she came back that night, we had ayam masak merah for dinner, which she had prepared earlier. Delicious ;) After dinner, we were considering what to do... Ice-skating or movie... Since we believed the ice-skating ring's full (it's Friday night and there was a long queue outside the place), we decided to catch a movie instead. Hence, we took a cab to Showcase Cinema to watch... The Prestige! It was a real grand movie, story line requires deep thinking and definitely recommended to all. ;) After movie, we were all very tired and straight away went to sleep in our cozy sleeping bags.
We woke up considerably early the next day since we want to maximize our time in Bath. Before we boarded the bus, we had the opportunity to take some pictures in Bristol. There was this one fountain, which was full of bubbles. I was so excited taking pictures and playing with it, it made me feel rather childish but what the heck. I was there to have fun! Our bus ride to Bath didn't take that long but I managed to fall asleep 3 times before we reached there. Blame the lack of sleep since I need a minimum of 8 hours each day =p hehe. Being typical tourists, with Anis as our tourist guide, we went around Bath and took pictures along the way. The Bridge, the river, the Cresent something (sorry Anis, I can't remember the exact name), bought some wooden roses in town and then, we started to get hungry. Tracing our way back, we went to a small shop we found earlier, The Roman Cafe. All of us except Drog ordered a small set of fish and chips. Thinking small won't be enough, some of us ordered a side order. But when the food arrives, the small portion was really big that even I can't finish my food. However, the food was really good and so was the service. Do check that cafe out whenever you are in Bath.

After lunch, Anis, Drog and Lion went back to Bristol. Aida, Yat & I went to the Roman Bath. We had a good look around and ended our tour with a free drink of Spa water. The smell of that water was disgusting but it didn't taste that bad. Rushing for time, we prayed in a fitting room at one of those shops in town. Aida and I bought a pair toe socks and gloves each. Cute! hehe. After that, I shared with Yat a caramel apple. My God! The place is a chocolate heaven for chocolate addicts like me. The apple was really2 gooddd... hehe. There was nothing spectacular about our ride back to Bristol. However, we missed our stop and the bus's next stop would be the bus station. Hence, the 3 of us got "lost" finding our way back to Anis's place. haha. Not quite actually. Anis gave Aida direction back to her place and we arrived in no time. ;) We had Mi Goreng for dinner and played cards before we retired for the night.

The last morning there, we went for a tour around Bristol. On the way, we met Pimad who was waiting for his bus to go paintballing. Cool stuff. Anis showed us her uni, took us to the suspension bridge, a museum (because Lion needed to go to toilet actually. haha) and the tower where we can see the whole town from up there. Apparently, there have been a number of cases where ppl committed suicide at this bridge so there was this signboard with a number to call in case anyone needed someone to talk to. I agree that it is a good effort to help the troubled but I do find it very amusing. Check out the signboard in the picture. haha. On the way back from the tower, we met this lady with a big fluffy dog. Unfortunately, the dog came near to where we were so all of us were really scared. When the lady saw us, she tried to tell us the dog was harmless. I replied, "we know... but we are just scared". She was so shocked upon hearing the news and asked back. "All of you???" "Yup, all of us..." I replied. Then she said..."Why? It is just irrational" Well, we know but we are just scared. Byeee!!!. Haha. That was really funny. I mean, seriously. I know the dog won't harm me but I can't help feeling scared. I don't know where that came from actually. I've never been bitten or chased by a dog before (Thank God) but I am really2 scared of dogs. heh. After the trip, we went back to Anis place, took our things and boarded our bus back to London at 12. It was a real fun trip. Thanx to our host Anis, who was really accommodating during the whole trip. We had a wonderful time. =)