April 2015

I guess updating blog is now a monthly affair? Haha. Well, at least it is still updated. I always write imaginary posts in my head but very seldom they actually came to life here. Now now. Where should I start.

Let's start with something small. Haziqa's 2 front upper teeth have started showing. Haziqa's constipation problem is still lingering since 2 weeks ago. A couple of times, she needed to be assisted just to pass motion as the poop was just to big to come out naturally. I nearly cried the first time I assisted her. The second time it happened, it was during the day and the maid, Bik Su, helped her. Currently her poop is still hard but somehow managed to come out without any assistance.

We are now annual pass holders at Legoland, Malaysia! On 3rd of April, it was hubby's weekend off from his duties at the petrol station. We went for an impromptu getaway to Johor. So impromptu that when we exited Nilai, we had no idea where we were going. Since Johor had more activities for the kids, so we decided to go there. Stayed at Le Grandeur Palm Resort near Senai airport. It was a nice quiet place for our supposedly relaxing weekend. Went to Sanrio Hello Kitty Town for the first time and since we were quite late, we went to The Little Big Club only (on the 2nd and 3rd floor. Hello Kitty Land was on the 1st floor.) It was okay but we couldn't believe people would rate this place higher than Legoland. The next day, instead of going back straight, hubby surprised Tricia by bringing her to her favourite place in the whole wide world, LEGOLAND! It was raining when we arrived and that didn't stop us from having fun. Luckily, the rain didn't last long and we went back at almost 7pm that day.

Being too stressed from working, hubby had been asking to take a break, away from the kids, for a weekend. I, on the other hand couldn't stand being separated from the kids at night so I wouldn't want to go away overnight without them (which lead us to Johor that weekend). But coming back from the trip, he still felt tired and not rejuvenated that he asked for my blessing to go on a solo trip for ONE WHOLE WEEK. Initially, I freaked out. I did't think I could be separated from him that long, especially without a valid reason (i.e. not work). But after having a heart-to-heart talk with him, he said I can come along if I want to but he just wants a week of solitude... not caring about anything in the world. So in the end I gave up and let him go. While I obviously will make through just fine from this one week getaway of his, I am not sure how her daughter Tricia would survive. T_T First night, my MIL called me when I was on the way home because Tricia was already crying that her father was not home. This morning she refused to go to school because her papa was not around to send her. 6 more days to go. And worse still, I'm joining my husband for the weekend for 2 nights. 1 night she and her sister will be away at Tokma and Cacik's place in KL but 2nd night... they will be back home to normalcy, which I think would make her feel our absence even more. Hope we will make it through the week in one piece. x_x

On a more awkward note, Tricia has started asking me when will she start growing boobies. =_= Too early to worry about that, sweetheart.

Eat on time.

Of all the things I learn at 30 years old, it shocked me that this is one of them. Eat properly. Yesterday, I spent the whole day alone with the 2 kids. By 9pm, I was already so cranky. I was thinking maybe I'm not built for this. Maybe I'm just a lousy mom, who can't handle taking care of her own kids full day alone. It even crossed my mind that at times like these, I sometimes regretted having 2 children close apart because it is just too much for me to handle them by myself. Little that I know that the solution was so simple.

Last weekend, hubby pointed out that our youngest daughter is exactly like me, even to the point that she is cranky when she is hungry. Well, who isn't, right? But my hubby said I am EXTREMELY cranky when I'm hungry. So last night was just a prove how right he was. My last meal was at 12pm. At 7pm, I was already hungry so I cooked some rice. But busy handling the kids, I put off eating until way after 10pm. And by then, I was as scary as a cookie monster. I even refused to talked to my husband when he called me that night! (which is very rare because I always LOVE talking to my sunshine.) After grumbling to my friends, one of the moms in that group pointed out, never skip your meal as it will make you grumpy and that would affect your mood and how you handle your children too. So screw "diet". I ate at 10pm, then wallahhhh... my mood improved immediately. By right, if I had eaten on time, it would be a healthy diet as it would give time for the food to digest before I went to bed. Lesson learned.

And my conclusion from this lesson? Hubby knows me better than I know myself. Wahahaha.

Our evening cycle/walk/stroll

Breastfeeding while working and Ramadhan

I started introducing formula milk to Haziqa a week to 3 months old. Reason being, I didn't make enough stock during my maternity leave. What little stock I kept frozen during my leave, I didn't dare give it to my baby. To me it smelled bad... like rotten fish. I threw most of them away. When I told my colleagues about it during pumping session at work, they scolded me because apparently, the milk was supposed to smell like that. Eww, how would I know. And no one in the family had frozen milk that long before so I didn't have any reference at home. I had been bugging my bff Haslin and SIL Abby a lot on the tiniest issues on breast-feeding and I didn't want to disturb them any further so I just couldn't be bothered to stress myself out about it anymore. 

Don't get me wrong. I am super thankful for the fully breast-feeding journey for nearly 3 months... It was all I wanted since I couldn't do the same for Tricia. But I was ready to introduce formula to Haziqa. Initially I felt a tiny bit of guilt but then I looked at Tricia and a bigger guilt surfaced so I said to myself, formula milk is not that bad. Yes, mother's milk is the best but Tricia grew up with formula milk and grew up fine. Heck, I was fed formula milk and I grew up fine. Was only worried Haziqa wouldn't want my milk after she started tasting formula milk though but Alhamdulillah, she didn't have a problem with us switching between the two. 

At work, each floor is provided with a nursery room for nursing mothers to pump. How convenient! I love my company for providing this facility for us. I tried to pump as frequent as I could. 3 - 4 times a day without fail. 9am-12pm-3pm-6pm. However, pumping doesn't produce as much milk as I hoped. Whatever I brought back was not enough to feed Haziqa for the next day so the maid usually had to top up one or two times formula milk a day.

Worried my milk would become less and eventually stopped too soon, I took a supplement I found online. It's some kind of capsuled oil contained what was supposed to be HabbatusSauda. Quite scared to take it as it has no certification from Malaysia's government. It is an Indonesian product but it says 100% natural. Had to just rely on that fact for assurance. I actually tried it a week before I started working and surprise surprise, it actually work. Not to my benefit that time though. I didn't pump in the wee hours of the morning as I was too lazy, as usual, and my left breast started to get engorged. I even had fever with it i.e. mastitis. Pumping and feeding was painful and my mom feared that there would be infection asked me to stop breastfeeding, fearing it would affect my baby. I then asked around and the advises I received were complete opposite. They say I need to continue breastfeeding to drain the supposedly blocked milk duct. Confused, I went online and read on babycentre that I should not stop breastfeeding and I happily obliged. =D

Stopped talking the pill until a week after I started working when Ramadhan started. Nursing mothers are allowed to not fast if they fear it would affect their milk supply. I initially thought it won't be applicable to me anymore since I introduced formula milk already... it was not like I was fully breastfeeding. My baby won't go hungry just because I didn't produce enough milk. I had no reason to not fast, or so I thought. Just 4 days into Ramadhan, I didn't wake up for sahur. My supply during fasting was already lesser than normal days if I didn't take the supplement and not eating sahur would make it worse, right? So I freaked out and not fast that day. Missed another day a few days after. What I was scared of was not just the stock for the next day but in the longer run... I am worried that my milk would dry up too soon, before I am ready to wean off completely. So there goes my 2 days of Ramadhan fasting. I felt like an immature kid making that decision but I cherish bf-ing so much that I would not want to risk it. As the month progresses, I am better at it now. Managed to fast a day without waking up for Sahur and for the rest of the days, I have been waking up for sahur with the help of Abby and my hubby of course.

Currently, my production is about 1oz every hour and I hope to bring back AT LEAST 12oz home everyday. It is not enough but that is the best so far. Hope my supply will increase a little after fasting month, with the help of the supplement, insyaAllah. I still try to pump as frequent as possible at work as I am still hoping Haziqa would only need minimal formula milk, if at all. 

Potty training

Hubby was down with food poisoning last night so he slept early. My daughter, who is nocturnal, of course couldn't sleep that early so I had to take over watching her. She got bored because I dimmed out the lights so she couldn't play with her toys. She asked to watch Monsters Inc again and again. 3 times to be exact! Towards the end of the 3rd round, I was already sailing into dreamland. Heard her crying for me to change her pampers, when actually I just changed her pampers like an hour or two before. I knew she didn't poo... she just peed. But she really insisted... And when I ignored her, she finally gave in to ask for milk instead.

Well, I did change her pampers again before I went out for work this morning. But the incident last night made me think... maybe it's time to potty train her as she can tell you already when she peed. Quite nervous to start though. Don't want to have urine spots all over the house. Maybe we'll start when mummy is on maternity leave, if you are ready baby.

Happy new year, 2014

Am I too late to wish all of you a Happy New Year? I guess I am. Haha. We went on a quick holiday near year-end but Tricia was having fever for a week around new year, which has kept me awake most nights and left me tired after the nightmare was over. So no time to blog. It was a nightmare not because the fever was severe. It just won't go away. Whenever we gave her meds, the fever would disappear for 6 hours or so until the meds effect worn off. Went to take her blood and Dr Oo confirmed there was viral&bacteria infection in her blood but what worry my mom was her hemoglobin level was very low at 8. Mom worries it might be iron deficiency anemia/G6PD/minor thalessemia. We will let her body recover whatever supply for now but we will have to revisit that issue later.

I still owe myself lots and lots of vacation update but I guess that will just have to wait. My dearest colleague, Soke Yee, got married recently and although she wanted to keep her marriage leave for later, I told her to take it now because she will only be going for her honeymoon after I got back from maternity leave. By then, her marriage leave would have expired already. Hence I'm quite busy at work now.

Towards new year, I heard one topic in the radio talking about worst memories in 2013. My initial thought was none. Then I remembered. My dearest father passed away in 2013. It may not leave as big an impact on me as it would on his other family members, but I felt the loss nevertheless. Sometimes I felt like calling him but he is no longer around. So I will just divert my attention to focus on the arrival of our new family member soon.

Hmm, that's all for now. Wanted to update on our most recent trip to Tasik Kenyir but too lazy to start digging the pictures. Hehe. Later then. Going on another trip this Friday to Tanjung Jara Resort. Woohoo!!!

More new stuff

Hola people. The weekend is FINALLY here! What was supposed to be a relaxing week at work with all the monthly PnL stuff done, turned to be a super hectic week doing a special project. We even had to go back nearly 12am Wednesday night but the super exciting thing about it was: The big boss now knows my name! LOL. Yeah, it is a big thing to me, considering I wasn't officially acknowledged when I transferred in and after nearly a year joining the new team, it is nice to be finally recognised.

Last weekend was about catching up with family and friends. Saturday went to Dina's baby aqiqah. Sunday met my dad in the morning and went to hubby's schoolmate's open house. Hubby bought a new blackberry, Z10 by trading-in his HTC oneX and decided he didn't like it. So he went and traded that Z10 with a Samsung... was it Note 2? I'm not too sure. Had to take in a RM350 depreciation loss for using it for about 3 days.

As for me, I redeemed my credit card points for another DVD player so that both TVs have their own DVD player. The first one was redeemed too. I like free stuff. =p Decided to redeem it before hubby can say he wants to buy a new one. Haha. I was right. Right after I told him I redeemed my points, he said he WANTED to buy a blue-ray DVD player for his TV. Too late babe. Too late. =p And then, I also decided to buy a cheap AUTO washing machine since the one I had was semi-auto. Been complaining too much about the amount of washing I have to do to friends that they pushed me to buy a new one. Surveyed at one electrical shop, the lightest load around 6-7.5KG price were around RM750. Went to Seng Heng and found a Panasonic 6.5KG load for RM699 and extra RM100 discount for members. COOLNESS!

Matta fair is currently going on. Malaysia Airline also has their own promotion in March in conjunction with the Matta fair. So we bought our flights to London for abg's graduation in July. We don't quite look forward to it because it will be in fasting month. And the fasting time would be around 2.30am to 9.30pm! For Malaysians like us, that is seriously long. Hopefully it won't be too taxing on us and we can have fun and function normally. Bought Tricia a child seat although she is still entitled to infant ticket because we don't think we can handle holding her for 13 hours straight. Damaged done RM3.6K+ for adult and RM3.1K+ for Tricia... covered by dearest TokMama.

Oh yes, I just want to add: A tired mama is a useless mama. Last Sunday, after all the visiting and the shopping, I was trying to clean the house a bit but I was SUPER drained. Hubby was sleeping and Tricia was her usual active self. I was compiling hubby's work papers in a file and Tricia was circling me trying to take a cup of water by my side. I couldn't do it on the table or she would start to ask me to pick her up. So I did it on the floor. First, she fell down on the file and had two small cuts on her legs from the steel. Second, she managed to kick my cup and spill all the water in it. I was TOO tired to get up and mop the floor although I KNEW she would fall down if she slips. True enough she did and all I did was look. I couldn't even bring myself to pick her up and comfort her. Slowly I woke her papa up so that I could take my turn to rest... but only after I changed her wet clothes from the fall and then hug her to sleep with me. Woke up an hour later to a big portion of fried rice, prepared by dearest hubby.

Father - daughter relationship

Hubby has always been a hands-on dad since the day Tricia was born. But ever since we moved back to Bangi after Tricia's first birthday, their relationship has been closer/tighter. They spend more time together with each other than with me. They woke up late together and went to sleep late together too. Even though I may have verbally said I am jealous of their relationship, deep down I actually LOVE seeing how close they are. It reminds me of the relationship I had with my dad.

More updates on Tricia.

1) She is NOT afraid of the dark.

One night, she was playing with my containers in the kitchen. When we asked her to leave the kitchen, she refused and just stayed where she was. Then we turned off the kitchen light. She didn't move. After that, we turned off the stairs light and the whole house was dark. She still didn't move and kept playing with my containers! Gosh...

2) She LOVES to read.

Hubby told me in the morning, she will just read her book instead of waking her father up immediately. Somehow last night, when I turned off the lights in the living room to sleep, Tricia protested and carried her book to the kitchen (since we left the kitchen's light on) to read! Anak siapa lah nih? =p

3) She bites her straw and definitely not a light sleeper (just like her mummy)

This is self-explanatory. Haha. My hubby and I concluded that Tricia has his physical attributes (except for the eyes) and my characters. She has always been a deep sleeper. She sleeps through the night since she was 1 month old. I can change her diapers without waking her up when she doesn't want too. And she conquers the whole area when she sleeps. Whoever is in her way will get kicked.

4) Tricia can salam already.

Only last week hubby made this comment to someone. "Belum boleh salam. Tapi boleh hi-5". When I came home from work yesterday to pick her up, bibik Mar told her to salam me, which she did! Wow! You learn so fast, sayang.

Back to work

Hey people. I am back at work now. Hello computer and internet connection. First day back, both baby and I were doing fine UNTIL I tried to call home during lunch time. Both Kak Ina and Abby were still asleep and out of the blue I just cried thinking of my baby. No, I was not worried. I just missed her so much! When Abby tweeted pic of my Tricia and Kak Ina called back to let me "talk" to her, it made me miss her ever more.

Came home from work on the second day, Tricia was still sleeping. Apparently she had been sleeping the whole day. Tried to wake her up but she just made so much noise that after we fed her, we let her sleep again. Came home from dinner around midnight and there she was, eyes wide open. Around 1.30am, I was already too tired to play with her so I asked hubby to take over. Apparently, he was just as tired so he passed the "baton" to abby, my beloved sis-in-law. When I woke up the next morning, I panicked when I saw Tricia's empty babycot. Found her sleeping in the guestroom with Abby. Tonight, no matter what time she sleeps, I will take care of her. I must.

Been reading an article on babycenter today and I would love to highlight some interesting quotes.

Big Story: How love blossoms between you and your child

1)Note: It's impossible to "spoil" a baby with love, attention, and affection, says Emma Adam, a developmental psychologist at Northwestern University. When you comfort your child, you're building a foundation of trust and affection that will last a lifetime. 

2) "It seems contradictory, but the more security you give your child, the more independent she can become," says Adam, the Northwestern University psychologist.

Guilt over not breastfeeding

When I was pregnant, I was very determined to fully breast-feed (bf) my baby once she's born. Sadly, it didn't materialize. She refused to latch on me, possibly because of the short nipple that I have. Tried my very best to not introduce formula milk to the baby in her early days. Forced her to bf on me and agreed to let her latch on my cousin's wife, her "ibu susu", but we didn't (and still don't) live nearby so we couldn't really rely on her.

The first few days, I only produced like 6 drops of colostrum from every pumping session. Only on day 5, a day after my massage session, that I finally started to produce milk. By then, she was already on formula. Since she still refused to latch, I pumped like mad, especially when we found out that she had jaundice. I either fed her EBM exclusively using a bottle or I mixed it in her formula milk. I felt like a milking cow. At week 1, Manoq suggested I get the nipple shield. It worked for awhile but with everything that was going on at that moment, I felt more comfortable pumping. It was a very very very stressful period and I cried like mad. Some people's comments just made me felt worse.

After nearly 2 weeks, I produced around 1 oz of milk from every pumping session. Joy. However, as the baby's need started to increase, my milk production stayed the same. At 3 weeks, it went to 3/4 oz and later it went to half. At 1 month,  I just stopped.

At week 7, I received my weekly email from baby center and it was very comforting to read this.

Your life: Guilt over not breastfeeding

Today's society puts a lot of pressure on new moms to breastfeed. No doubt breast milk is the perfect first food. However, there are many reasons why breastfeeding just doesn't work for some women and their babies, including illness, discomfort, and frustration. Guilt over not breastfeeding can hit especially hard if you had planned during pregnancy to do so but then circumstances made it impossible or more difficult than you'd expected. Both breast milk and commercial formula nourish growing babies. If you've given up on breastfeeding — or are thinking of doing so — be sure to discuss your choice with your doctor or a certified lactation consultant. Talk through your feelings and don't be too hard on yourself. The main thing to remember is that how you feed your baby is ultimately not as important as providing love and care.

Well, I did see a lactation consultant recently. Not for myself and my baby, but to accompany my sister-in-law (SIL) who is due soon. She couldn't bf her first baby so she wanted to seek more help for her second one. I am all excited to support her after what I had been through. After my SIL session, the lactation consultant had a look at my baby and found out that she has a tied tongue that made it difficult for her to latch on to me. So it was not just one factor but a few factors combined that made it so difficult for us. It's okay, sayang. Just know that I love you very very much no matter what. As for me, better luck next time. ^-^