I always find myself as an open, sharing person, as in stories-wise... I AM NOT a secretive person, thus I tend to NOT hide things from people unless it is really necessary for me to do so. So when a friend of mine shared with me her experience before she got married, I was kinda surprised I didn't know it when it happened. Nevertheless, I am thankful for her sharing the story at the right time... while I am going through a rough patch in my engagement period.
What I didn't know about this seemingly happy friend of mine is, a week before she had gotten hitched, her ex-boyfriend came back to her, asked her NOT to marry her fiance and marry HIM instead! Wow, that's a dramatic move. I mean, a week before the wedding, like reallyyyyy ex-bf? As much as she was and still is in love with her man, she did still have feelings for the ex. Hence, she was such in a confused state for awhile when all this drama happened. Needless to say, she cried and cried and prayed hard but finally decided to stick with her decision and go on with the fiance instead. I am happy to report, they are now happy together, bought their own place and expecting their very first child. On top of that, we also suspected another very close friend of ours, went through a somewhat similar experience. This girl, S, had a difficult choice to make between two guys, both are (yes, past and present) madly in love with her. She decided with one, which is her present hubby now, but had a hard time letting go this other guy, who I suspect was very frustrated that she had chosen the other man instead.
After hearing these stories that evening, I started to think that my problem isn't half as big. But the thing is, I don't have the liberty to choose between two guys coz I only have one. These girls, no matter who they choose, will end up with a guy. It's only a matter of a better guy. I, on the other hand, is to marry this guy or not. My problem is actually him frictioning with me and now I discovered another one, hiding things behind my back, although he promised not to do so two years ago. (I suspect he forgot he made that promise because he just made it again... or he is just not the kind of man that honour the promises he makes... I hope it's the first one because if it's the second, I should not be marrying him in the first place!)
The problem started with him trying to save a damsel in distress, as always, being the honourable guy. Me, on the other hand, opposed that idea as I believe in hard work earned money. I understand his point of view but was nevertheless mad at HER, the damsel in distress. Although I was so mad at her for always asking money from us, I didn't want to directly shoot her so I only poured it out to my fiance instead. He then got mad at me for... erm, I am still not too sure why and stopped talking to me altogether. Apparently, he thinks I accused him of something? Something like that.
It's only when we are trying to sort things out, I truly found out (I suspected it long before already) he went to see somebody I don't quite particularly like (because she used to have like a big crush on him before and even after finding out this guy is dating someone else, she still is very mengade with him... geeshhhh... gedik) BEHIND MY BACK.
Oh My God! Two things in a row. Like seriously? We have less than 3 months before the wedding and I really hope nothing new would come up. This is just stressing me out. Maybe it's a good thing... Maybe it is a reminder for me to NOT love a guy with ALL MY HEART. A friend of mine warned me to keep a portion of my heart for myself but I told her I can't do that coz I have fallen 120% in love with my fiance. When all these things hitting me just 3 months before the wedding, I am starting to think, maybe, I should follow my friend's advice instead.
It's not too late for me to do that, right? The problem is, I'm sure when our problems are "solved" (at the time of writing, Mr Fiance still refuses to discuss the matter at hand, so they are currently being swept under the rug) or rightly forgotten, I WILL once again surrender all my heart into his hand and risking it being crushed again and again.
I hope I am not making the wrong decision here for staying in this half-transparent relationship. Oh Allah, Please help me coz only You know BEST!
3 comments:
aaawwww farah i am so sorry. i hope he fixes things right soon enough knowing he has the best in his life. i hope things will work out fine :) love ya!
Seeing how I'm not yet experienced in this area, I don't quite know what to say. I hope everything will work out well in the end. Just pray for the best k >hugs<
farah....everyone has same prob before they get married...wafa gak ok!! 2 weeks bfr khwin, i told my best friend i dun want to marry with him..seriously..nanges like hell!!but u know what my fren said..."ini sume kerja syaitan..sbb syaitan th kite nk bina masjid..so syaitan akan cuba sedaya upaya nak gagalkan usaha kita nk bina masjid...tp kalo niat kite berkahwin kerana Allah, benda2 mcm ni boleh settle..cube memahami pasangan kita"..it's hard to find a perfrct guy coz we arent perfect too..dun easily find other ppl fault but think wisely n deeply what is our fault for letting all these probs cme into our life..always pray to God coz He loves His ummah very much..Farah, u r stil in the starting point of a new chapter in ur life..theres still a long way for u to go..Allah just wanna see/test how much you can control/overcome all these probs bfr u enter this 'life'. think positively k dear..any prob, just call me k..
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