A bad day...

Short in cash, I accepted a job from the student recruitment centre which includes campus tour, registration and setting up the classes. When I went for the briefing, I was told that I would be expected to handle a bunch of A-Levels students, which includes ice-breaking session. Damn, my communication skill's crap. This would be my first time doing this. But I guess, I would just give it a go and try my best.

The day arrived... The sun was shining brightly... a good start. I arrived slightly early although piccadilly line was experiencing severe delays. Still ok. Pin up signs at the classroom doors, ushering ppl in for registration, talking to other ambassadors... not so bad but I realized I don't talk that much. Perhaps not in the mood or I have no idea what to talk about. Then, campus tour... My partner was so cheerful and confident so I shouldn't have any problem. She asked whether I want to stay in front or at the back, I said, at the back please. After 10 mins tour, I realized, I didn't say a single word to anyone. I'm SUPPOSED to be giving them a tour not following them around. My partner tried to include me to say a few words but I can't think of any. Then, I started to feel down. We went to the Wright's bar, Old building, I took them into the Old Theater not saying anything (or actually mumbled something but no one could actually hear me.) Library... Clair market building... SU shop... back to the Hong Kong Theater... nothing... I didn't say a word. Then, I started panicking. What the hell was I doing there? I tried to find something to say but I was tongue tight.

I felt really guilty to my partner. What's wrong with me? Niomi came to see me asking whether I was ok... I blurted out I feel like I can't do this... She said I'd be fine coz Z, my partner, is so experienced. I replied, I noticed that but then I still feel guilty. Then she said it's ok. She'll try to help out later. I went to apologize to Z. She said "Don't worry. Just jumped in if you want to say something. I tend to talk a lot." Cutting the story short, I was useless for the rest of the day. Lucky Z was so understanding and helpful. Was so thankful it lasted only 3+ hours. I was wondering what happened to the bubbly, friendly, talkative me. Was I scared? Was I feeling down? I dunno... Even the students in my group are friendlier. They tried to make conversations, ask questions and everything but then either my reply was very short or I can't answer the question. Urghhh!

After all that's over, I was walking home when I was stopped by a guy. He was trying to go into the praying room but apparently it's closed. Yeah well, it's saturday. He told me he went there frequently, joined the jumaah prayers in LSE and everything. Suddenly he started telling me his problems and saying he needed help. Money of course. Damn, why do I keep bumping into this professional beggers. Just because I wear headscarf, indicating my religion, I am becoming a target of this professional beggers. He told me his van was clamped, got to take it immediately bla bla bla. Just converted 6 months ago, family abandoned him bla bla bla... He asked for 23 pounds. I didn't have 23 pounds, so I withdrew money and gave him 25 pounds. Then he said, he needed more for VAT, about 17 pounds more... I added 5, then he said, not enough, have to keep asking ppl so I changed and gave him 40 pounds in total.

Yes, stupid!!! That's the reason why I don't want to tell anyone about it directly. I know there is a 99.5% possibility that the money will be burnt. Furthermore, this is not the first time it happened to me. I should have known better. The last time it happened, I only gave 10 pounds, which was still ok although it's still a lot. The guy took my number and disappeared. The thing is, I cannot help it when ppl say that it's for Allah's sake. It's a weakness... a big one... since I know ppl can use it to their advantage. I once rejected to help a man, then I felt guilty the next 3 days. But IF by any chance the story WAS true, I would be letting down a fellow muslim in need. I heard a lot of stories how Christians always help ppl in trouble, no matter what religion they believe, which attracted more ppl converting into Christian for their kindness. And Islam does promote kindness... well, not stupidity in believing this kind of stories, I know. But IF I was to be put into that situation, really in trouble and no one would help me, what would happen?
My reasonings were:
1) I am giving it for Allah's sake. I would accept the fact that there's a high probability I would not get it back. (As usual, this guy took my number, but he didn't remember his. What could be more obvious?)
2) By having that in my heart, I hope that I would never be in that situation. Lost and helpless... Needing to beg for ppl's kindness for money. As promised, the more you give to ppl, the more you would get back. And I want to be rich... So that I can be the one giving... not the one asking for money.
3) I once said I hate robbers and muggers, who injure and kill ppl for money. If you need money desperately, just ask for it. I might just give it to you if I have some extra.(I mean the desperate ones...stealing because they have no food and place to live. Not the bad ones.)
4)I will get 30 pounds for the job I just finished. And I definitely shouldn't be earning it since I did nothing at all. So not my money in the first place.

However, this is the last time I'm going to do this. At least for now... while I'm a student. To all professional beggers out there, sorry. I don't have any money to be kind and stupid anymore. No more chance for you to do that. Sorry in advance. After the "mugging", I went home feeling low. Prayed and went straight to sleep. Woke up to discover that it's the first day of the "circulation". Is it the answer to my mood swing or a result of the day's happening? God knows.
About that 40 pounds, let's see whether he would actually return my money tomorrow. I'm not counting on it but would like to know whether there are still honest ppl out there or everyone's just a scammer. I will update you on that later.