Growing Up...

"It hurts to grow. Anyone who tells you it doesn't is lying." Quoted from S4E1 Grey's Anatomy.

Berbuke with the girls

It's been awhile since I last met them so when Irna suggested for us to bukak puasa together, I was really happy to meet my old friends although I had to go there wearing my working attire and had to take the CIMB van to go to KL Sentral (which was really packed). Old friends... hmm, I guess we can say that... now that we've known each other for more than 10 whole years.Since it was quite a last minute plan, only 5 of us turned up; Irna, Zue, Asserk, Nanad and Me. We ate at Nando's and stayed there until 10 or so. (To Jimmy and Joe, I would say I was rather satisfied with their food and service, though it was actually a bit slow) Refusing to go back early, we went to Taman Tasik Titiwangsa to hang out for awhile. Took pictures with the Eye On Malaysia and goof around, all the while telling old jokes and stories. What's weird is that, with the exception of Irna, everyone's phone kept on ringing. Parents couldn't stop calling, asking when we would be back, including MY MOM. Owh My. I just said my mum wouldn't be bothered so much what time I come home as long as I tell her my whereabouts. I guess, we should all give them some credits, given the recent incident of Nurin Jazlin Jazimin (an 8-year-old girl who got abducted, raped and killed after going to Pasar Malam alone). Al-Fatihah to her... Not that we are 8 years old anymore, but it Is a dangerous world out there so it's understandable for parents to be worried. As for Irna's parents, it's not like they don't care. Irna's not staying with her parents at the moment since she's renting in Cyber so they didn't know she was out. At mid-night, we called Sarr and Aiya, wishing them happy birthday. Thought of calling Ipok to wish her too but didn't want to disturb the new-mum so we abandoned the nobel thought. Here are some pics from that outing.

Thought we had enough for the night? Totally wrong. Hazmi joined us soon afterwards but unfortunately we had to send Nanad back since she would have an early start the next day. So there we were again... 5 packs. Went to "kedai bubur" for a drink and lepak2. The 3 of them kept on searching for the place's name. For the many times Hazmi & I have been there, I only knew that place as kedai-bubur-yg-ade-swimming-pool-tuh. Now it's The Lodge Poolside (hmm, sounds weird), or something like that. I ordered one bowl of chicken porridge and Hazmi can't take his eye of that bowl. hehe... sorry dear. You were caught on camera.

At about 3am, we went back and the girls went to their respective homes. All in all, I had fun and glad I decided to meet up with these old friends of mine. ;)
A random comment, I miss my tripod. t_t

Happy 5th Anniversary!!!

Happy Happy Happy Anniversary to Hazmi & Me =D

here's a "stupid" picture of our celebration... karaok-ing and laughing all night long. heheh

Kuching

I feel like i'm getting lazier and lazier to update my blog. SoOner or later, I think this blog would get abandoned. That would depends on my boredom level and workload. Well, Penang was kinda fun. apart from the fact that I was not feeling well all week there. Nearly asked for a MC but lucky I managed to get some rest b4 continuing work. After 2 weeks in office, I'm going to fly off again tmrw, this time to Kuching, Sarawak. Sounds like fun eyh? I've never been there before so I hope I would enjoy this trip. Lots of new thing to learn, lots of exciting things to see. So ppl, wish me luck ^_^... Take care and chiow~

I'm Working Now

Hi Hi Hi... I'm now a working lady. Still can't quite believe it myself. The second day of working, when mummy woke me up saying I'm late, I woke up thinking, late for what??? haha. It took me a few seconds to realize I'm late for WoRk!!! Well, not that late actually, just on time. ~ I've been working for a week now. Actually, more of learning than actually working. For which company? CIMB, of course ;) hehe... So happy. Alhamdulillah. I seem to like it here. My first department is Corporate Assurance. I'll be flying to Penang this Monday for my first assignment. What do I have to do exactly, I have No Idea. I'm screwed, am I not? haha. Lets just see what happens. Hopefully all goes well... I really like this company so I have to perform well. hehe. Ok then. Anything, just gimme a call ppl. I'm back home... just bz working =p C ya ard...

Tadaima!

Hey ppl. I'm home. I seem to be very quiet lately eyh. So the very bz. hehe. Bz travelling, Bz packing, Bz closing down accounts, Bz catching up with sleep... and the list goes on. I must admit I was very sad to leave london. Nearly cried when I was leaving LSE for the last time. (but I didn't. The weather did though. It cried so heavily that I was forced to stay behind, probably to enjoy the view and capture the feeling for one last time) So here I am, back home. Back to my family and back to my friends. Back to my hometown, and not to forget, back to my hubby's side (to the disappointment of some parties) I see desperate measure being taken but too bad ppl. I'm here for good now.
So what have I been up to? Rest, Date, Movie, Game, Called CIMB. The last one being the most important thing. Have to sit for an aptitude test this Friday and going to start working the next Monday, which is the 6th of August. =_= huu, that soon. Maybe it's good. I'm getting all rusty here and I need to give a powerpoint presentation to CIMB when I start work for them. Erk~ Ok then, that's all for now. Gtg back to my harry potter book. Been holding it for a week already and abg's started asking for it. Chiow~

Alhamdulillah

Rather than wasting my time staring into space, I should update my blog. Have been posting random entries to avoid writing a real one but I ShoUlD write something... type i mean. Read a few ppl's blogs and realised I haven't been updating my friends on my current status. So what's new in my life. I'm graduating tomorrow. My result was just out yesterday. Alhamdullilah. Allah allowed me to get a 2:1 after all. I am so very thankful to Him... It was a close one. Short of a few marks here and there could have denied me the grade. Was quite scary but Alhamdulillah... So I guess I am going to CIMB after this, turning a new leaf, starting a new phase in life... there. Hopefully everything would be alright. I am very hopeful at the moment. Hoping life could turn out good. Not that it's not. It is ok, just a bit... heavy, I feel. Maybe not So heavy compared to a lot others. Sigh. I should start to learn to be thankful with my life, with what I have... All in all, life is fine. Turning a new leaf is exciting. I'm looking forward to my new life. Pray that everything would be great. ^_^

How will you be defined in the dictionary?

Farah --
[noun]:

A person who laughs at anything (even this entry)

Hahahaha, found this on mimi's blog. I can't even stop myself from laughing. This is so funny. Try it here.

Hazmi --
[adjective]:

Smells like teen spirit

Hmm, no wonder... he would never mature.

Which One Are You?

Message: First, identify yourself as right or left brain person:

1. Hold your hands together, as if you were praying. Look at your hands. If you see

Left thumb is below the right thumb ---> left brain
Right thumb is below the left thumb ---> right brain

2. Fold your arms in front of you (as if you are angry)

Right arm above left arm ---> left brain
Left arm above right arm ---> right brain

Based on 1+2 (order important), below is the interpretation of your personality:

Right-Left
==========
Considerate, traditional, indirect type can instantly read other's emotion, and respond friendly by natures. Although not very into taking initiatives in moving forward, but this person will always take a step back in supporting others. Stable personality and considerate, give others a being protected feeling. But the weakness is they cannot say no; regardless how unwilling they are, they will take care of others.

Right-Right
===========
Loves challenges type

Straightforward. Once they decided on one thing, will take action right away. Very curious, and love challenges. Dare to face dangers without thinking through (sometimes foolishly). Their weakness is they don't listen to others, will filter in only what whey want to hear in a conversation, and very subjective. However, because of their straightforward attitude, they end to be fairly popular.

Left-Left
=========
Dedicated, cold, perfectionist

Very logical in all aspects. The only way to defeat (or win over) him/her is through reasons. Has a lot of prides, and feeling strongly about doing the right thing. If they are your friends, they are very trustworthy. However, if they are your opponents, they will be very tough to deal with. Because they can be very "anal" as a perfectionist, they usually leave a bad impression of being hard to deal with when first met.


Left-Right
==========
Likes to take care of others, leader type

Has a cool and keen observation ability to see through situations, yet still can be considerate in others needs. Because of their cool and calm nature, and strong sense of responsibility, they tend to become head of a group. Popular among people. However, they may not be able to help themselves in meddling because they want to take care of others too much. Very concerned about how others view them, and always on alert.

Birthday Celebration

Sorry for the long silence. I was rather busy holidaying =p Didn't get the chance to update my blog or reply ppl's wishes be it on friendster or blog. Thanx to everyone who did. ^_^ Here's a short update. I'm now in Scotland, disturbing my ex-schoolmate Wafa, who is studying in Glasgow. We went to Edinburgh today and it was real fun (despite the fact that we were so belagak and didn't bring our jackets while it was damn cold)
So... my birthday celebration. I decided to mark my 23rd birthday by being a kid =p My housemates, bf and I went to Legoland, Windsor, joined by Yat and Lion. Although we should feel a bit out of place (should... coz I don't. haha), it was an enjoyable experience. Looking around, every group had at least a toddler with them. My group claimed they had a baby with them too. haha. I'm honoured. Whatever¬ Basically there were rides and a lot of statues made of legos around. But the most interesting part was the lego mini europe. It was very beautiful. Didn't quite believe that they were all made from tiny little legos. I would upload the photos later when I'm back in London. Till then, take care ^_^

Happy Birthday To Me!

hihi. i'm 23 today

And you wonder why ppl call me baby?

Aida: b, apsal rambut u extra lurus? (Why is your hair extra straight?)
Me: Hah? Mane ade. Mmg bukan lurus ke? (Hasn't it always been straight?)
Mimi: Sbb u sikat rambut eh~ (Must be because you comb your hair)
(Because I comb my hair very seldomly)

Me: Eh, b bau busuk laa (I feel smelly)
Mimi: U dah mandi blom? (Have u taken your shower?)
Me: ??? Dah La!!! (Of course!!!)
(Because I'm so lazy to shower. But I still shower everyday... most of the time =p)

Me: Tak lalu makan (No appetite to eat)
*Saw mimi took out her carbonated drink and took mine from the fridge
Dina: U nak minum air gas, perut kosong? (You want to drink carbonated drink with empty stomach?)
Aida & Mimi: Haa, nanti masuk angin. Ni gas tau. (Might feel bloated later coz it's gassy.)
Me: ... Fine. I finish my food first.

Life is full of uncertainty

A few weeks ago, I was so excited when I got a conditional offer from CIMB. Now, my future is in a haze. After 3 papers down, I would say I didn't do very well. Hope is all I have now. Well, I feel like I can't take this anymore but I should not and can't give up just yet. I have another paper left. Apart from being under prepared, I am not in my right mind right now. ~entry sensored~ All I can say now is, if my result turn out to be so bad, probably this job is not suitable for me. It is more about whether I can handle pressure and separate my emotion from my professional mind rather than whether I can actually study everything I have learnt. After all, the job is very demanding and stressful. All I know, Allah knows best. For that, don't put your hopes up just yet.

Exam Timetable!

Alritey ppl. Here's my timetable. To you guys, GOOD LUCK & ALL THE BEST PPL! =D

15 May 2007 - AC300: Corporate Finance, Investments and Financial Markets
17 May 2007 - MA300: Game Theory
18 May 2007 - AC330: Financial Accounting and Analysis
23 May 2007 - AC340: Auditing, Governance and Risk Management

Saya sayang housemates saya

Housemates saye semua sgt sweet. Diorg layan saye takut lipan dalam bilik air. Diorg tolong gune bilik air dulu sebelum saye gune sbb kalau tak, saye takut nak masuk. Diorg tlg pegi beli racun lipan and tabur dalam bilik air. Diorg tolong ajar saye bile saye tak paham. Diorg bagi saye tgk contoh jawapan yg lebih baik. Bile saye bosan, diorg teman saye sembang, main dan makan. Kadang2, diorg siap tolong masakkan makanan. Bile saye sedih, diorg tolong dgr dan pujuk saye. Bile saye panik nak interview, diorg bagi soalan dan teman saye pegi pagi2 bute. Next week kitorg start final exam. Semue org tgh sebuk study skrg. Tahun depan semue org bawak hal masing2. Nanti saye akan miss housemates saye. Jage diri baik2 kawan2.

p/s: Excuse the "jiwang" entry. But I really hate those centipedes.

Daddy's little girl

I just called my dad to ask about something. Before hanging up, he asked what I was doing. I answered, "I am supposed to be studying but I am so lazy. Scold me! Scold me!" Then my dad said "Dah besar dah, tak payah scold. Kene study sendiri." (something like that) What I forgot was, my dad never scold me, since I was little until now. He never, in my entire life, raised his voice at me. All he had to do was gimme a disappointed look and I'd start crying already so there's no need to scold me. Haha. Well, sometimes he did gimme a lecture about this and that. (Whether it actually sticks in my head is a different issue =p) Thinking about it makes me miss my dad. No matter how far apart we are, no matter what happens, I am always his daughter. It's in my blood, it's in my heart.

PKO - Bye bye MyrMidonS

As exam's getting nearer, everyone's getting busier including Hazmi and me. The constant demand from managing a guild in PKO has made Hazmi gave up his position as a guild leader. He handed over the honor to AkechiSamanosuke, a very active and trusted member from our previous guild. Hence, now we have a new guild called Prophecy. A mixed of new and old members, with a new name, searching for a new adventure. But the memories in MyrMidonS will be always remembered. ^^On a different topic, this is us, (back when we were still in MyrMidonS), in our "normal" wear. Recently, Hazmi bought us a new pair of apparel each. I like my new one but it's a bit "sexier" (since "my" belly button is now visible) and it makes me looks thinner and smaller (than I already am). Hazmi's one looks very... hmm... different. Not the knight in the shining armour look anymore. But very colourful. Hehe. Interesting =)

Happy 55 Months!

I know I should be studying right now but I just wanna write oneee short entry. All I want to say is Happy 55 months to Mr Mohd Hazmi and me. Love you so so so much. hehe. Can't wait to have you here. Muahs!

More about me

Continuation from the last entry

6) I'm scared of dogs

I think I'm qualified to be called a cynophobia. I don't really know why I fear them so much. It's not like I had a scary history with them or anything but my fear of dogs got worse here because there's just so many of them around.

7) I love roller coasters

This is my way of having fun... I enjoy the adrenalin rush moments when riding a roller coaster. Plain roller coasters aren't that exciting anymore. I want adventure... not accidents... just pure adventure on the ride.

8) I treasure my belongings

And because of that, I think, I'm quite possessive. This is quite related to #1. I know what I want. When I got it, I will usually treasure it. For example, I still use my Baby G watch that my dad gave me as a present when I was 15. I am still using my mechanical pencil I bought when I was 16. (I only have one mechanical pencil of that kind when my brother had about 10 that time. I don't think he even has 1 left now.) There are a few other watches and pencils but these particular ones are among the things I treasure. It may seem insignificant to you but I will definitely feel sad if my things are lost or broken. That's why I labeled my stuff when I was in school. Not that I think people would steal it, but it's easier for me to spot my stuff so that I don't have to constantly buy new ones. To put it simply, I treasure my belongings and take care of my stuff.

9) In the UK, I track my expenses and cash flow to the last penny

This is because of my limited budget. I barely had enough allowance in a month so I have to keep track of my expenses. It's just that I take it a little too seriously, knowing I don't remember what I have to pay and had paid, thanx to my short term memory. I recorded every single movement of my cash and bank transaction. What better way to put my knowledge into practice eh? However, I only do that here in the UK for now, not in Malaysia. Probably I'd start doing that later in Malaysia when I start earning my own money. hehe.

10) I don't like shopping

It is weird being a girl that dislikes shopping but growing up with my dad contributed to this trait. Or maybe it is just in my genes as people always say that I am a carbon copy of my dad. I take up mostly everything he likes or does. It's not that I don't go shopping at all. I still go shopping for the things I need or when I feel like spending some money but not as a hobby. Shopping, to me, is a very tiring activity. Some of my friends even commented that I shop like a guy. Come to think of it, that might be true. Ahh, I'm sure my bf's happy about that because he dislikes shopping more than I do.

11) I get cranky when I am sleepy or hungry

When I am sleepy but forced to stay up, I would start talking crap. Even I can't understand myself sometimes. My brain would not function at its best when I'm sleepy. Back when I was in TKC, if Nana Khairi came to my room to ask an add maths question after lights off, I would have to send her back and promise to go find her first thing in the morning. Even if I tried, my brain refuse to function without enough sleep. It's like a battery to a laptop. As for when I am hungry, I would keep on saying "hungry, hungry, hungry" consciously or unconsciously until I get my food. I'm like a small new born baby, crying for attention until it's fed. Do you think you can stand me??? A challenge up for grab. Haha

Well, 11 is enough for now. Tadaa...

About Me

I feel like starting a new section in my blog today. As the title suggest, it is About-me. Not only it would help you readers to know me better, it will also help me to improve myself and remind me what I am or was like. So for today's entry of about-me section:

1) I usually know what I want

When I want something, I only want that particular one. For example, when I first saw the latest version of Toyota Celica (I was a senior in high school then), I fell in love with it straight away. After nearly a decade, I am still deeply in love with the car. I do have crushes on some others like Mazda RX8 or Lamborghini Gallardo but I only want Toyota Celica!
The lastest example would be CIMB. I wanted to work for CIMB ever since I decided I don't want to do audit. I dreamt of going to work with my cousin (because she live and work nearby) MoNtHs before I submit my application. I nearly missed my chance because I thought they weren't coming to the UKEC careers fair (because I don't want to apply to other firms just to try my luck). That's how much I really want to work for them. At least for the near future. =)

2) I don't like to be disturbed when I am really watching something... be it movie or tv shows

Probably everyone doesn't like to be disturbed but I think it's quite bad in my case. I get really annoyed sometimes that I would totally block the person words from entering my thoughts. The "good" thing is... it only applies when I'm REALLY watching it. The problem is, I think, it is quite hard to tell when I am really watching something or just simple looking at it. The best thing to do is leave me alone for awhile until the show is over or wait for the commercials. Don't ask me questions unrelated to the show Unless it is important. (Fear of forgetting it later can be considered important =p haha) I just don't like ppl distracting me away from the show or give spoilers to what's going to happen Unless I ask for it

3) I have really bad memory

I tend to forget things easily unless I chose to store it in my long term memory box. In short, I have short term memory loss. Sometimes ppl get annoyed or irritated because of this but I really can't help it. For example, I asked Yat whether she had watched "The Prestige" or not when actually I went to see the movie with her. Lucky me, Yat understands me too well to take it personally.

4) I am very lazy

Do I need an explanation for this? I don't like studying... I don't like cooking. (But I love to eat) I don't like to exercise. (For health reason, that is... I might execise for fun like playing the dance mat or jumping around like crazy bunny though) I don't like to do anything at all that is not fun. For that, I am going to grow old fast... huhuu.

5) I am quite messy

This one is a follow up from the 4th one... since I am lazy, I don't keep my things neatly. It is all over the place. But I only accept my own mess because although it is very messy, there is still a system to it. For example, when I went back home and my room was not as I left it before, I was sooo restless that I had to clean it up immediately and then... make my OWN mess. haha.

This post just shows how lazy I am. The paragraphs are getting shorter and shorter. I am very hungry right now... I will write more soon.

My Dream Wedding!

I admit I am a bit weird. For instance, I wanted to highlight my hair striking blue, though it's actually meaningless to some people since I wear "tudung", no one could actually see it. What do I care? I want it for myself. Another story, when I went to Kelantan for Abg Mi's (Hazmi's bro) engagement, Kak Ina (Hazmi's sister) asked me what is my dream wedding. At first, I was a bit reluctant to tell them coz it IS a bit weird. She thought I wanted a beautiful wedding like Cinderella with white horses and everything. But instead I said, I want to have a simple wedding dinner at a hall, followed by a gig, and I want to sing myself. A gig party for my wedding. So unromantic eh? After that conversation, I never thought of any other dream wedding.

Today, I had a conversation with Nadia and we were talking about everything under the sun including future plans and weddings. A story of a friend's wedding came up. About half a platun attended this girl's wedding wearing sea cadets uniform. I'm assuming that was how they knew the bride because she was a very active sea cadet and it seems that they are very patriotic and attached to it. Sure is impressive. Then it suddenly hit me. Hazmi is considering to be a police inspector. So I might be able to expect a police wedding ceremony. Owh... I want to walk under an array of swords... That would be cool... I want that! I want that!!! If police don't have swords, I don't mind walking under a handful of M16 guns. haha.

Since this one is more realistic than the first one (because it is not all that weird), probably it would substitute the gig. (Hazmi's parents also had this wedding because his dad used to be in the police force.) But if possible, Can I have both? 1 for my side => the gig, and 1 for his side => the procession. Uh wee... I like ^_^

Pop Goes My Heart

I like this video. It's so retro & funny. LOL

CIMB! Here I come...

I would really like to write a long entry but I don't have that much time since I haven't started studying yet. I actually have a lot to talk about but lost the excitement already. Haha. Long story short, I got a conditional offer from CIMB! Thanx to everyone who helped me through the application process... you know who you are. From checking my CV, giving me possible interview questions to being my "wingman" on the interview day itself, THANK YOU! Love you all. hehe. All I need now is a 2:1 for my degree... Then I'm all set to go. Wish me luck ^^

Just stress

hihi. I have now figured out my problem. I am just experiencing the same thing I experience every year around this point of time... my annual stress period. Thanx to Aida who pointed out an article about it in the Beaver this week... Apparently it is not so uncommon to feel this way at this point of time. I was just saying I need someone or something to comfort me in the last entry. It somehow made me miss my high school friends. I miss the time when there would always be someone to comfort and support me. Yes, things are different now. For one thing, I have a bf but it's simply not the same. He is sweet and kind and caring but he kinda dislikes weak people. He would be there to support me when I need motivation, when I am being simply spoilt wanting his attention, but he won't give me support when I am in a fragile state like this. Not just me actually... anyone in this state. Well, in a way, it's not totally his fault. It's just a trait. Like my trait for being quite weak under pressure. Anyway, back to my story, I was thinking about the old times, being surrounded by my ever supportive friends, who persevered through my constant whining and crying. Then, I suddenly realized, at least one friend is still around. Yat!!! hehe. Just wanna say thank you. You cheered up my day. Hahaha... Now, I'm laughing again.

T_T

For those of you who are unfamiliar with emoticons, the title simply symbolises *crying*. Well, I am not literally crying right now but I think I'm crying for help. The problem is I don't know who should I turn to. Usually, I'd turn to my mum but I don't want her to worry about me. Thought of calling my dad but I'm not so sure whether he would be the right person to speak to. My best friends... I don't think they can say anything much about what I am going through. My bf... hmm, don't quite feel like talking to him now. Somehow I find his flirting annoys me these past few days. Not just that, whenever I point it out, he says "sorry, sory, sorry" without actually mean it. I mean, he says sorry but he's actually not sorry at all. He would just keep doing it again, which would annoy me even more. But that's not my problem right now. I can't be bothered to face my issue with him right now coz I have a bigger problem in hand.
My problem is I think... I think... I'm nearing a nervous breakdown. I have no motivation to do anything. I have no direction. I am in no mood to study. I am panicking with my work. I am panicking about exam. I am... ahhh... I am breaking down. Urgh, I HATE it when I am in a fragile state like this. I need motivation. I need someone or something to comfort me. I need a councellor. Damn, I'm weak. I need to be strong T_T

Feeling much better =)

After a few days of sadness, I am glad to say I am back to normal. Continuing the story from the previous entry, the result is as what as ALL of us might have expected. No need to elaborate on that. When I was walking home, I admitted that I was feeling a bit low to discover that ppl can easily uses Allah's name in order to scam ppl. Well, I am a bit frustrated about being "scam" AGAIN but I am more frustrated that ppl are making fun of my religion that easily. I hope he burnt in hell for that... and yes, he owed me in the after life... I'll claim it then. Walking back after class, I did say... I want mummy. But what can I do... she's so far away. So I got back home and was comforted by Naruto 3rd episode instead. Surprisingly, I felt better already after that.

At 5 something Malaysian time, I suddenly got a call from mummy. Was a bit surprised coz she usually waited for my call rather than calling me herself. Then she kept on asking whether I was ok. Forgetten everything that I said or felt, I said I was fine. After awhile, I remembered and admitted that I WAS feeling low but I'm much better now. Refused to talk about it. Mummy, being a mom, was very worried and insisted I tell her the story. In the end, I gave in and told her part of the story. After hearing it, instead of saying how stupid I was, she said, it's ok. "If you need money, I can send it to you..." Then, she rephrased. "Can I send you some money?" Haha, how sweet but I rejected the offer because I am still ok. Plus I know she is kinda tight on money too. But the thought is very very sweet.

Then at 6 something, my bf called me. I was complaining that this past few days he's been ignoring me. He's always too busy with his responsibility in pko. Well, I know he is now the guild leader but he has been this very responsible guild leader, taking care of everyone that makes me feel neglected. He barely has time for us anymore. Well actually, he still talks to me everyday but all we talk about is pko, a few bits and pieces of the day's happenings and let's go to sleep. Huwaa, I want a conversation with my bf. Back to the real story, Hazmi requested to use the webcam and we talk for awhile before both of us went to sleep. I am very very touched that he still take my complains seriously and make an effort to spend time with me. As for me, I complain a lot, don't I? A bit spoilt there, I admit. Well, I am blessed to have such wonderful family and friends around me. To hell the scammers out there. Can't wait for Hazmi & Mummy to be here. Love you two so much...

A bad day...

Short in cash, I accepted a job from the student recruitment centre which includes campus tour, registration and setting up the classes. When I went for the briefing, I was told that I would be expected to handle a bunch of A-Levels students, which includes ice-breaking session. Damn, my communication skill's crap. This would be my first time doing this. But I guess, I would just give it a go and try my best.

The day arrived... The sun was shining brightly... a good start. I arrived slightly early although piccadilly line was experiencing severe delays. Still ok. Pin up signs at the classroom doors, ushering ppl in for registration, talking to other ambassadors... not so bad but I realized I don't talk that much. Perhaps not in the mood or I have no idea what to talk about. Then, campus tour... My partner was so cheerful and confident so I shouldn't have any problem. She asked whether I want to stay in front or at the back, I said, at the back please. After 10 mins tour, I realized, I didn't say a single word to anyone. I'm SUPPOSED to be giving them a tour not following them around. My partner tried to include me to say a few words but I can't think of any. Then, I started to feel down. We went to the Wright's bar, Old building, I took them into the Old Theater not saying anything (or actually mumbled something but no one could actually hear me.) Library... Clair market building... SU shop... back to the Hong Kong Theater... nothing... I didn't say a word. Then, I started panicking. What the hell was I doing there? I tried to find something to say but I was tongue tight.

I felt really guilty to my partner. What's wrong with me? Niomi came to see me asking whether I was ok... I blurted out I feel like I can't do this... She said I'd be fine coz Z, my partner, is so experienced. I replied, I noticed that but then I still feel guilty. Then she said it's ok. She'll try to help out later. I went to apologize to Z. She said "Don't worry. Just jumped in if you want to say something. I tend to talk a lot." Cutting the story short, I was useless for the rest of the day. Lucky Z was so understanding and helpful. Was so thankful it lasted only 3+ hours. I was wondering what happened to the bubbly, friendly, talkative me. Was I scared? Was I feeling down? I dunno... Even the students in my group are friendlier. They tried to make conversations, ask questions and everything but then either my reply was very short or I can't answer the question. Urghhh!

After all that's over, I was walking home when I was stopped by a guy. He was trying to go into the praying room but apparently it's closed. Yeah well, it's saturday. He told me he went there frequently, joined the jumaah prayers in LSE and everything. Suddenly he started telling me his problems and saying he needed help. Money of course. Damn, why do I keep bumping into this professional beggers. Just because I wear headscarf, indicating my religion, I am becoming a target of this professional beggers. He told me his van was clamped, got to take it immediately bla bla bla. Just converted 6 months ago, family abandoned him bla bla bla... He asked for 23 pounds. I didn't have 23 pounds, so I withdrew money and gave him 25 pounds. Then he said, he needed more for VAT, about 17 pounds more... I added 5, then he said, not enough, have to keep asking ppl so I changed and gave him 40 pounds in total.

Yes, stupid!!! That's the reason why I don't want to tell anyone about it directly. I know there is a 99.5% possibility that the money will be burnt. Furthermore, this is not the first time it happened to me. I should have known better. The last time it happened, I only gave 10 pounds, which was still ok although it's still a lot. The guy took my number and disappeared. The thing is, I cannot help it when ppl say that it's for Allah's sake. It's a weakness... a big one... since I know ppl can use it to their advantage. I once rejected to help a man, then I felt guilty the next 3 days. But IF by any chance the story WAS true, I would be letting down a fellow muslim in need. I heard a lot of stories how Christians always help ppl in trouble, no matter what religion they believe, which attracted more ppl converting into Christian for their kindness. And Islam does promote kindness... well, not stupidity in believing this kind of stories, I know. But IF I was to be put into that situation, really in trouble and no one would help me, what would happen?
My reasonings were:
1) I am giving it for Allah's sake. I would accept the fact that there's a high probability I would not get it back. (As usual, this guy took my number, but he didn't remember his. What could be more obvious?)
2) By having that in my heart, I hope that I would never be in that situation. Lost and helpless... Needing to beg for ppl's kindness for money. As promised, the more you give to ppl, the more you would get back. And I want to be rich... So that I can be the one giving... not the one asking for money.
3) I once said I hate robbers and muggers, who injure and kill ppl for money. If you need money desperately, just ask for it. I might just give it to you if I have some extra.(I mean the desperate ones...stealing because they have no food and place to live. Not the bad ones.)
4)I will get 30 pounds for the job I just finished. And I definitely shouldn't be earning it since I did nothing at all. So not my money in the first place.

However, this is the last time I'm going to do this. At least for now... while I'm a student. To all professional beggers out there, sorry. I don't have any money to be kind and stupid anymore. No more chance for you to do that. Sorry in advance. After the "mugging", I went home feeling low. Prayed and went straight to sleep. Woke up to discover that it's the first day of the "circulation". Is it the answer to my mood swing or a result of the day's happening? God knows.
About that 40 pounds, let's see whether he would actually return my money tomorrow. I'm not counting on it but would like to know whether there are still honest ppl out there or everyone's just a scammer. I will update you on that later.

Nerds...

Back when I was in TKC, I viewed myself as one of the nerds. I once said to my mum, if I was to be in the US, I definitely belong to that group. (I was told that the "mean girls" type of story actually portrays the culture over there.) Well, I WAS much more hardworking that time than I am now but the reason I felt that way was simply because I didn't quite care of my appearance, which made me fell I was not cool enough.

Back to the actually story... I told you before that I took game theory as a subject this year right? One day, when I was going into the lecture theater, a girl walked in and my first impression was "this girl doesn't look like someone who would take game theory as a subject". (No offense to all the pretty ladies out there ^_^) True enough, she spotted her friend and walked out. When I told the story to Yat and Aida, their response was "What's the typical look of a game theorist?" My answer was "Err, I dunno... nerds???" Haha. Ok. Now, no offense to all game theorist out there. (This is going to be one offensive entry. =p) Just take this lightly kay. As time goes by, observation continues. Today I noticed that everyone in the lecture doesn't wear make ups... including the three of us, that is. When I told Aida that, she responded "Yeah, they are mostly guys..." Sheesshh, I meant the girls of course. haha. Not that the girls look very dull or anything. I noticed one girl had her nails polished with a very sweet colour. It's just... well, I hope you get what I mean. All of them have this sophisticated, brainy look like they can answer any complicated questions given to them. That, I exclude myself. I am like the blurrest person in the course. But what the heck... I'm the blurrest among the nerds =p. Eh...

P/s: I do have very pretty friends who are very2 intelligent... these are just my boring observation and useless opinion...

I need a break

Initially, I don't really feel like going to Warwick for the MNight. Tired from my lack of sleep, essay and assignment to be submitted, a lot of catching up to do and mainly, PKO-ing made me feel like I'd rather stay home. Coming to think about it now, I actually need this break... I need a break from this routine I'm starting to adopt. I can't continue on like this. Though I have very sweet housemates reminding me of work and studies, I do need to realise this on my own. Mainly, it's for my own good. Even if they tie me to my chair to study, it's meaningless if my mind is elsewhere. I'm not saying I'm going to stop. It is something I enjoy but it just shouldn't be something that's adding stress to my life. I want it to be a place I spend my time with my beloved Hazmi, not a source of argument. Hence, I should learn to take it slow and balance my life better. I want to do well in my studies and secure a good job. Looking forward to go to Warwick. =) Hope it will do me some good...

PM's Visit to LSE

This is my super-smily-face-picture with our Prime Minister during his visit to the LSE last week. All my housemates including me were really excited to meet him in person. And were more excited to know that our faces appeared on tv. That was a really cool moment. Families and friends called and texted us to tell us that we were on the news... not once but a few times. It was such a big thing... haha. Well, how often do you appear on tv? For someone like me, this is my first time (I think) so it's not surprising that I was SoOo excited.

Apart from that, nothing much happened in my life right now except that I'm an official PKO addict. Yes, it is official now. That's why this blog has been so silent lately. It can't be helped anymore. I'm feeling more and more detached from the real world. Trying hard to balance my life between studies...(the real life) and leisure time... (virtual life). Lets just hope I stay "alive" in this life... in the true meaning of it.

Back In London

Hey people. Sorry for the long silence. I wanted to update this blog earlier but there was a problem with the network in Malaysia following the earthquake in Taiwan. Yes, I went back to Malaysia for about 3 weeks. Lucky me, I managed to get a place on the 9th flight back to London, even though I have to skip school for 2 days. If not, I would have to come back here on the 1st, which would be very sad. It's new year, Hajj Eid and holiday. Not that I did anything actually. Slept all day during raya... only went to the prayers in the morning after my mum started "harrassing" me and my brother. hehe. Followed Hazmi to Melaka on the new year day coz he was having his final sem exam and I wanted to study with him.

I did nothing much during the hols. I definitely did not study at all apart from that one night in Melaka, which was actually more of searching points for my essay. Hah... essay. I made it just in time. Phew... The deadline was Wednesday and by Tuesday morning, I barely had 200 words from the 1500 total. The flight got delayed by 2 hours and when I arrived the tube was also having signalling problem causing severe delay. What a day. What have I been doing actually? Was introduced to PKO (Pirate King Online) by my bf and got hooked to it ever since. Well, not that I am a game freak but I find it an excellent way to spend time with my bf who is playing that all the time, ignoring me along the way. Might as well join him there than starting another fight with him over the game. But it is a cool game. The graphic's superb, the characters are cute and there's so many roles. I can't compare it to any other game coz I've never tried any before but that's what I think of the game at least. Thankful that mummy was so understanding watching me working my @$$ off to level up to 40 asap (so that I can play WITH him rather than being levelled up by him).

Apart from that, I highlighted my hair blue. Well, it is supposed to be blue but it was actually blue black, and now, it is purple. Sigh. Why can't ALL the hairdressers understand what I want. Hate it. Then, my laptop broke down at the very last minute before I came back here. Thanx to the excessive pko hours. That game is sooo addictive. U better not get started. Nearly didn't have time to send it to the service centre. It cost me a fortune to replace the damn fan (*cough* my dad actually. Thanx daddy. Loveee u =p) heh

I also didn't get a chance to meet so many people during the short break. Wanted to meet Hani Joe but there's just so many obstacles. Her friends from Aussie came to visit her. Wanted to call her up when I was in mid valley but I brought the wrong phone so I didn't have her number. But I guess I can still see her after I grad... which would hopefully be this July. Uhh... can't wait for that. Btw, Happy Belated Birthday, Hani Joe dear. Sorry didn't have a chance to meet up with you. Hope u got my sms on ur bday, I didn't forget it but I was kinda... erm... ReAllY messed up during the break. I'll see you in May here in London kay. Take care. Hope u had a good one with ur friends. =D Alrite then, till then. Daa...