Feeling much better =)

After a few days of sadness, I am glad to say I am back to normal. Continuing the story from the previous entry, the result is as what as ALL of us might have expected. No need to elaborate on that. When I was walking home, I admitted that I was feeling a bit low to discover that ppl can easily uses Allah's name in order to scam ppl. Well, I am a bit frustrated about being "scam" AGAIN but I am more frustrated that ppl are making fun of my religion that easily. I hope he burnt in hell for that... and yes, he owed me in the after life... I'll claim it then. Walking back after class, I did say... I want mummy. But what can I do... she's so far away. So I got back home and was comforted by Naruto 3rd episode instead. Surprisingly, I felt better already after that.

At 5 something Malaysian time, I suddenly got a call from mummy. Was a bit surprised coz she usually waited for my call rather than calling me herself. Then she kept on asking whether I was ok. Forgetten everything that I said or felt, I said I was fine. After awhile, I remembered and admitted that I WAS feeling low but I'm much better now. Refused to talk about it. Mummy, being a mom, was very worried and insisted I tell her the story. In the end, I gave in and told her part of the story. After hearing it, instead of saying how stupid I was, she said, it's ok. "If you need money, I can send it to you..." Then, she rephrased. "Can I send you some money?" Haha, how sweet but I rejected the offer because I am still ok. Plus I know she is kinda tight on money too. But the thought is very very sweet.

Then at 6 something, my bf called me. I was complaining that this past few days he's been ignoring me. He's always too busy with his responsibility in pko. Well, I know he is now the guild leader but he has been this very responsible guild leader, taking care of everyone that makes me feel neglected. He barely has time for us anymore. Well actually, he still talks to me everyday but all we talk about is pko, a few bits and pieces of the day's happenings and let's go to sleep. Huwaa, I want a conversation with my bf. Back to the real story, Hazmi requested to use the webcam and we talk for awhile before both of us went to sleep. I am very very touched that he still take my complains seriously and make an effort to spend time with me. As for me, I complain a lot, don't I? A bit spoilt there, I admit. Well, I am blessed to have such wonderful family and friends around me. To hell the scammers out there. Can't wait for Hazmi & Mummy to be here. Love you two so much...

A bad day...

Short in cash, I accepted a job from the student recruitment centre which includes campus tour, registration and setting up the classes. When I went for the briefing, I was told that I would be expected to handle a bunch of A-Levels students, which includes ice-breaking session. Damn, my communication skill's crap. This would be my first time doing this. But I guess, I would just give it a go and try my best.

The day arrived... The sun was shining brightly... a good start. I arrived slightly early although piccadilly line was experiencing severe delays. Still ok. Pin up signs at the classroom doors, ushering ppl in for registration, talking to other ambassadors... not so bad but I realized I don't talk that much. Perhaps not in the mood or I have no idea what to talk about. Then, campus tour... My partner was so cheerful and confident so I shouldn't have any problem. She asked whether I want to stay in front or at the back, I said, at the back please. After 10 mins tour, I realized, I didn't say a single word to anyone. I'm SUPPOSED to be giving them a tour not following them around. My partner tried to include me to say a few words but I can't think of any. Then, I started to feel down. We went to the Wright's bar, Old building, I took them into the Old Theater not saying anything (or actually mumbled something but no one could actually hear me.) Library... Clair market building... SU shop... back to the Hong Kong Theater... nothing... I didn't say a word. Then, I started panicking. What the hell was I doing there? I tried to find something to say but I was tongue tight.

I felt really guilty to my partner. What's wrong with me? Niomi came to see me asking whether I was ok... I blurted out I feel like I can't do this... She said I'd be fine coz Z, my partner, is so experienced. I replied, I noticed that but then I still feel guilty. Then she said it's ok. She'll try to help out later. I went to apologize to Z. She said "Don't worry. Just jumped in if you want to say something. I tend to talk a lot." Cutting the story short, I was useless for the rest of the day. Lucky Z was so understanding and helpful. Was so thankful it lasted only 3+ hours. I was wondering what happened to the bubbly, friendly, talkative me. Was I scared? Was I feeling down? I dunno... Even the students in my group are friendlier. They tried to make conversations, ask questions and everything but then either my reply was very short or I can't answer the question. Urghhh!

After all that's over, I was walking home when I was stopped by a guy. He was trying to go into the praying room but apparently it's closed. Yeah well, it's saturday. He told me he went there frequently, joined the jumaah prayers in LSE and everything. Suddenly he started telling me his problems and saying he needed help. Money of course. Damn, why do I keep bumping into this professional beggers. Just because I wear headscarf, indicating my religion, I am becoming a target of this professional beggers. He told me his van was clamped, got to take it immediately bla bla bla. Just converted 6 months ago, family abandoned him bla bla bla... He asked for 23 pounds. I didn't have 23 pounds, so I withdrew money and gave him 25 pounds. Then he said, he needed more for VAT, about 17 pounds more... I added 5, then he said, not enough, have to keep asking ppl so I changed and gave him 40 pounds in total.

Yes, stupid!!! That's the reason why I don't want to tell anyone about it directly. I know there is a 99.5% possibility that the money will be burnt. Furthermore, this is not the first time it happened to me. I should have known better. The last time it happened, I only gave 10 pounds, which was still ok although it's still a lot. The guy took my number and disappeared. The thing is, I cannot help it when ppl say that it's for Allah's sake. It's a weakness... a big one... since I know ppl can use it to their advantage. I once rejected to help a man, then I felt guilty the next 3 days. But IF by any chance the story WAS true, I would be letting down a fellow muslim in need. I heard a lot of stories how Christians always help ppl in trouble, no matter what religion they believe, which attracted more ppl converting into Christian for their kindness. And Islam does promote kindness... well, not stupidity in believing this kind of stories, I know. But IF I was to be put into that situation, really in trouble and no one would help me, what would happen?
My reasonings were:
1) I am giving it for Allah's sake. I would accept the fact that there's a high probability I would not get it back. (As usual, this guy took my number, but he didn't remember his. What could be more obvious?)
2) By having that in my heart, I hope that I would never be in that situation. Lost and helpless... Needing to beg for ppl's kindness for money. As promised, the more you give to ppl, the more you would get back. And I want to be rich... So that I can be the one giving... not the one asking for money.
3) I once said I hate robbers and muggers, who injure and kill ppl for money. If you need money desperately, just ask for it. I might just give it to you if I have some extra.(I mean the desperate ones...stealing because they have no food and place to live. Not the bad ones.)
4)I will get 30 pounds for the job I just finished. And I definitely shouldn't be earning it since I did nothing at all. So not my money in the first place.

However, this is the last time I'm going to do this. At least for now... while I'm a student. To all professional beggers out there, sorry. I don't have any money to be kind and stupid anymore. No more chance for you to do that. Sorry in advance. After the "mugging", I went home feeling low. Prayed and went straight to sleep. Woke up to discover that it's the first day of the "circulation". Is it the answer to my mood swing or a result of the day's happening? God knows.
About that 40 pounds, let's see whether he would actually return my money tomorrow. I'm not counting on it but would like to know whether there are still honest ppl out there or everyone's just a scammer. I will update you on that later.

Nerds...

Back when I was in TKC, I viewed myself as one of the nerds. I once said to my mum, if I was to be in the US, I definitely belong to that group. (I was told that the "mean girls" type of story actually portrays the culture over there.) Well, I WAS much more hardworking that time than I am now but the reason I felt that way was simply because I didn't quite care of my appearance, which made me fell I was not cool enough.

Back to the actually story... I told you before that I took game theory as a subject this year right? One day, when I was going into the lecture theater, a girl walked in and my first impression was "this girl doesn't look like someone who would take game theory as a subject". (No offense to all the pretty ladies out there ^_^) True enough, she spotted her friend and walked out. When I told the story to Yat and Aida, their response was "What's the typical look of a game theorist?" My answer was "Err, I dunno... nerds???" Haha. Ok. Now, no offense to all game theorist out there. (This is going to be one offensive entry. =p) Just take this lightly kay. As time goes by, observation continues. Today I noticed that everyone in the lecture doesn't wear make ups... including the three of us, that is. When I told Aida that, she responded "Yeah, they are mostly guys..." Sheesshh, I meant the girls of course. haha. Not that the girls look very dull or anything. I noticed one girl had her nails polished with a very sweet colour. It's just... well, I hope you get what I mean. All of them have this sophisticated, brainy look like they can answer any complicated questions given to them. That, I exclude myself. I am like the blurrest person in the course. But what the heck... I'm the blurrest among the nerds =p. Eh...

P/s: I do have very pretty friends who are very2 intelligent... these are just my boring observation and useless opinion...

I need a break

Initially, I don't really feel like going to Warwick for the MNight. Tired from my lack of sleep, essay and assignment to be submitted, a lot of catching up to do and mainly, PKO-ing made me feel like I'd rather stay home. Coming to think about it now, I actually need this break... I need a break from this routine I'm starting to adopt. I can't continue on like this. Though I have very sweet housemates reminding me of work and studies, I do need to realise this on my own. Mainly, it's for my own good. Even if they tie me to my chair to study, it's meaningless if my mind is elsewhere. I'm not saying I'm going to stop. It is something I enjoy but it just shouldn't be something that's adding stress to my life. I want it to be a place I spend my time with my beloved Hazmi, not a source of argument. Hence, I should learn to take it slow and balance my life better. I want to do well in my studies and secure a good job. Looking forward to go to Warwick. =) Hope it will do me some good...