The Hunger Games 2: Catching Fire

Last weekend was supposed to be about 3 things: check-up, movie date and attending a wedding. Hubby however, didn't sleep at all Friday night. He forgot about the check-up but insisted to follow anyway, which was very sweet. But after the check up he blacked out for the whole afternoon. Wasted a beautiful day.

Anyway, the check-up confirmed our 2nd baby will also be a girl. As I said, I am equally happy whether it is a boy or a girl. Sometimes I worry if Batrisyia will think/feel I love her less later when her sister arrives. But I hope she knows that this baby is her sibling, HERS. Hehe. We have started referring to her as kakak and she knows she is a kakak. So I hope she is prepared. Anyway, I gained another 3kgs apparently for this check-up. 0kg + 0kg + 2kg + 2kg + 3kg = 7kgs within 5.5 months, which is A LOT. Haha. No. Don't blame the baby. It is 99% my fault. I tend to keep eating and eating with minimal exercise and I had to have RICE. =p Fine... Will watch my diet closely after this. Every thing else is good. Baby's growth on track, enough water, sugar and protein in urine negative. All is good. Next check-up I will have to go to another Dr though because Dr Siti will be on long leave. It's okay. It is just a routine check-up so I can live with that. Hehe.

We went home and slept the whole afternoon. I was supposed to be cleaning the house but now that I am heavy, I feel very lazy to move. So I just cleaned up here and there as I passed by. Woke hubby up nearly 6pm and we went back to Nilai for dinner. Went to Giant to buy stretchable pants and top for myself. Yeay. And went back to Bangi to join Uda and Irna for karaoke session at MyPop Avenue in Jalan Reko. Hubby wanted to go for a quick exercise but stopped by to drop me off first. We warmed up with a few songs and Tricia didn't look like she was enjoying herself so I asked her to follow her father, which she obliged, happily waving bye to me. But 10 minutes later, hubby sent her back with her bottle and her bag. Apparently, they made a move already when Tricia started shouting wanting to be with mummy. *super happy smile* =D She wants mummy. Hehehehehe. After karaoke, we continued our party back home with Kinect. Danced to a few round of songs and we think it was a good enough workout that we cancelled our Sunday morning aerobic. Haha.

Sunday morning, I was complaining to my hubby because he was supposed to take me on a movie date the day before but he didn't. Wanted to send Tricia to Nilai but was told that no one was at home. Didn't have the heart to leave Tricia there without her cousins, especially on a weekend. Hubby, sensing my concern, suggested that we brought Tricia with us to the movie after we attended my junior's wedding in Putrajaya. I was skeptical but went along with the idea. As I have read the book, I could afford to leave the cinema once in awhile and not feel like I missed anything. Hubby picked MBO Desa Petaling, which I thought was a brilliant idea. Firstly, they are not super strict, considering that we had a baby with us. And secondly, it was not as packed eventhough it was the first weekend of screening. No one was sitting beside us and the row in front of us was empty. Tricia as usual was restless most of the time. Finished balance of her milk and kept asking for more, which we didn't have. She went and made a mess with the popcorn on the seat next to us and came back to me full of popcorn in her hair. I took her out to the corridor once... then hubby came out and asked me to go back inside. Seeing how restless she was, hubby took her to buy drink and rota. It kept her occupied for awhile. And the last 15 minutes or so, hubby watched the movie by standing at the back of the cinema while carrying her. So it was a successful movie trip for the first time!!! Congratulations, best father in the whole wide world. Hehe. Mind you. This is our third attempt. First one lasted 10 minutes. Second one lasted half an hour. This is the first successful attempt. So exciting. Haha.

 

About the movie, I felt that it was cramped nicely. Some details were taken out to fit into the 2 hours screening without sacrificing the main storyline. 1) The scene where Katniss had to climb a tree and jumped back when the electrical fence was activated. 2) Scene at the party in District 1 where Heavensbee showed his clock to Katniss as a clue for the game. 3) Katniss not knowing how to use the thing Haymitch sent her until she saw a wet rat drinking from a tree. But all-in-all, I loved the movie. The final chapter to this trilogy is going to be a gory one. Looking forward to watch it later.

2 years old Batrisyia Hana

1) Mummy's little helper

We went to a hotel sometime last month. Before going out again, I couldn't find my slippers in front of the door. Apparently, Tricia went and kept everyone's slippers under the cabinet. Awhhh. Now I'm feeling the benefit of having a girl.

 

2) She loves me

Previously, my husband likes to play with my daughter by pretending to bite her. That same weekend, hubby pretended to bite me. Tricia was looking at me for my expression. When I had no expression, she didn't react. But when I pretended to be in pain, she shouted at her father, and scolded, slapped, kicked him... to let me go. She didn't even shouted that loud when the father was biting her. I am SO touched.

 

3) Cover up

Last weekend, I wrapped myself in a towel while dressing her up. Halfway through my towel dropped a bit, revealing myself. She suddenly said... "Mummy! Tutup!"(Cover up) Wahhh... Big girl already huh. And then, in the car, she was sitting on my lap... I pulled over the seat belt across her and it lifted her top a bit... Then she started screaming... "Mummy!!! Maluuu" Initially, I didn't understand what was happening. Because it was at night and it was dark... What could she be shy about. After a minute or so, I remembered the towel incident and checked her top. True enough, the seatbelt pulled her top up a bit. After I pulled it back down, she was satisfied and kept quiet.

 

4) First hiking experience

Hubby brought her up hiking in Nilai yesterday. Papa said, she was very strong. She walked herself halfway. Then only asked papa to carry her. A very healthy toddler. ^_^ Mummy is so happy with your progress, dear.

 

Quiet weekend in

Saturday

Had a good rest with my tiny little family last weekend. Tricia was again down with fever on Friday so I was up from nearly 4am to 6am to cater to her demands. Was waken up by my mom for breakfast nearly 9am. Mom left so I woke hubby up around 11am. It took him nearly one hour to finally wake up and all the while I was doing (handwash) laundry. 12pm left the house to buy tiles for our house, which is currently STILL under construction after one and a half months. Had Kenny Rogers for lunch at the new Bangi Gateaway. It rained heavily right after so we went back to sleep. Spend the rest of the evening at a relative's house as our cousin was getting engaged the next day. We slept quite late that night as everyone had enough sleep during the day. Haha.

Sunday

Woke up around 10.30am. Continued with my washing a bit then was rushing to attend the engagement do. Hubby and I wore the same shade of colour with the bride-to-be. Haha. Nasib baik sepupu sendiri. Kalau tak, kene hamun dah laki aku nih.

Went back to refresh/rest a bit, then off we went again. I had no idea where we were going that time. All hubby said was we were going for a drink. Apparently, he was taking me to have tea in the Majestic Hotel KL. Awhh. It was really lovely. Everything was sooo... British. Muahaha.

 

I had a wonderful wonderful time dating with my husband. I must be very lucky to get dates even after years of being together. We rushed home hoping to go to Putrajaya for some exercise but as soon as we left the house, rain started pouring down again. So we went back and just chill. I continued cleaning the house a bit, Tricia running around aimlessly, hubby stuck in front of the TV watching some recordings on our PVR. I joined him to watch masterchef US season 4 and then it was already 10pm. I fell asleep on Tricia's sofa for half an hour or so then woke up hungry. Went out for seafood dinner and came back super full.

On the way back, hubby was feeling a bit touchy feely. He suddenly said, he couldn't imagine how my late dad could "let me go". I was a little perplexed with this statement. Let me go? How? He said... You know... choosing the new family over an existing daughter. He said now that he has Tricia, he couldn't imagine letting her go... ever... no matter whoever enters his life later. The bond is so strong, it shouldn't be forgotten just because somebody doesn't like the child around. I was speechless. I wanted to defend my dad a bit but I had nothing to say. Tears nearly formed in my eyes but then a familiar feeling kicked in. I don't need to feel sorry for myself because I am strong. I accepted my life as it is and I am fine. Maybe my dad let me go because it was best for me. He needed a wife and I had my mother. If he kept hanging on to me, I would be destroyed by my stepmom. But all the words didn't come out. I kept quiet, didn't reply my husband a word. Then I turned to my daughter and said... at least no matter what happened, you know he will never leave you.
I must thank God everyday for sending this guy to me. The day he entered my life, I stopped trying to stay strong and I let go. I was free and I was finally happy.

Happy 2nd birthday, my little princess! 10.11.13

I have to admit I went overboard with the planning this time. Last year, we had a small celebration with family members only. I felt guilty for not inviting some close friends over so I invited over 120 people this time, excluding those who told me earlier they won't be coming. I prepared food for 80 people. But sadly, only about 40 people turned up. A lot of food and door gift wasted. I was disappointed. But I guess I learned a lesson. Birthday parties aren't that important so not everyone will turn up. Plus the location is a bit far from KL, which I totally understand. But I just wished people would have told me earlier that they don't feel like coming so I don't have to prepare so much food to be wasted. Especially my side of the family. I expected them to turn up but no one did. Those who cancelled last minute was understandable too. A lot of people was sick last weekend including the birthday girl herself. On the way to PCY, she even puked all over her new dress... Had to put on her spare dress, which is luckily quite nice too, given by her aunty.

That said, I especially appreciate those who turned up. Thank you everyone for coming. And on top of that for the wonderful presents for the birthday girl. She loved them all. Well, at least, mummy loves them all. Haha. I haven't collected the pictures from that day. This is one of the pictures sent to me via whatsapp. Us slaughtering the angry bird cake. Happy 2nd birthday, my little princess. Love you forever and ever. Wish you all the happiness in the world. Muacks.

21 weeks

Woohoo... crossed my halfway mark of this pregnancy. 21 weeks down... 19 weeks to go. Funny my immediate superior just found out about my pregnancy recently when she was the one approving my claims. Maybe she's not aware of what prenatal check up was. When she asked me about my due date and I told her end of March, she said the baby will have a strong character. I was quite blur that time, then only it hit me... strong character like HER! Oh my gosh. If that's the case, I'm gonna have 2 power houses in the house. 1 Scorpio, 1 Aries. That's a handful. Combined with the father's Leo, mummy's gonna have a hardtime handling everyone. But there's still a possibility that the baby will be a Pisces, which has a milder personality, I think. The crossover date is 20th March. Batrisyia was 5 days ahead of her EDD. Since this is my second pregnancy, there is high possibility this baby will come out slightly early too. Ah well, quite exciting to see. Not that it matters or will affect me significantly in any way. I just find zodiac reading interesting. Come out whenever you are ready, baby. All of us can't wait to see you. ^_^

Paramore - Still into you

Our marriage just crossed the 4-year mark recently. And I felt this song represents my feeling about us at this moment.

Paramore - Still into you

Can't count the years on one hand
That we've been together
I need the other one to hold you.
Make you feel, make you feel better.
It's not a walk in the park
To love each other.
But when our fingers interlock,
Can't deny, can't deny you're worth it

 

Cause after all this time.
I'm still into you

I should be over all the butterflies
But i'm into you (I'm in to you)
And baby even on our worst nights
I'm into you (I'm into you)
Let them wonder how we got this far
Cause I don't really need to wonder at all
Yeah after all this time
I'm still into you

 

Recount the night that I first
Met your mother
And on the drive back to my house
I told you that, I told you that I loved ya.
You felt the weight of the world
Fall off your shoulder
And to your favorite song
We sang along to the start of forever

 

And after all this time.
I'm still into you

I should be over all the butterflies
But i'm into you (I'm in to you)
And baby even on our worst nights
I'm into you (I'm into you)
Let em wonder how we got this far
Cause I don't really need to wonder at all
Yeah after all this time
I'm still into you

 

Some things just,
Some things just make sense
And one of those is you and I
Some things just,
Some things just make sense
And even after all this time
I'm into You
Baby not a day goes by that
I'm not into you

 

I should be over all the butterflies
But i'm into you (I'm in to you)
And baby even on our worst nights
I'm into you (I'm into you)
Let em wonder how we got this far
Cause I don't really need to wonder at all
Yeah after all this time
I'm still into you
I'm still into you
I'm still into you

My little family

Took Tricia out yesterday afternoon somewhere in Putrajaya.

 

It's okay to fall baby. Just get back up and keep running.

Pending updates

I have so many travel trips to update but so lazy to catch up.
1) Europe trip - July 2013
2) Raya trip - mid August 2013
3) Busan, South Korea trip - mid September 2013
4) Melaka trips - October 2013

All coming right up... Okay, don't know when. Haha.

Gingivitis and Periodontitis

This is the second time in this pregnancy I am having gum infection. The first time, I thought, it was one of my wisdom teeth acting up. My dentist told me before that because it came up half way, it would cause pain once in awhile. So I lived with it and did nothing about it other than putting on bonjela to the affected area i.e. my lower back gum on the left... down to my left-side of the throat. Swallowing was difficult during that period. After nearly 2 weeks or so, it went away. That was just a couple of days after raya, exactly when we were climbing up Cameron Highland in mid-August. 

Earlier this week, early October I would say, my right gum was having the same symptoms but on the right side. This time, I know it is not because of my wisdom tooth. It must be infection. Other than gurgling with mouth-wash day and night, I did nothing else. But when I told my mom what I was having, she suspected I have Gingivitis like what she experienced before. Consulted my group of friends and the Dr in the group suggested I went for scaling immediately to clean my mouth so that it doesn't breed more bacteria, thus help with the healing process.

So yesterday, during lunch time, I went to a dentist in The Curve. I was not surprised when the dentist told me that I could not do my scaling that day. On normal days, scaling would cause my gum to bleed and is super painful. Now with infection and sensitive gum, brushing alone already caused me to bleed, what more scaling. However, I was surprised when she told me that both sides of the gums were swollen because I only felt pain on one side. She inspected my neck and said my face was also slightly swollen because of that. I asked her whether this is Gingivitis but she said, no... this is Periodontitis.

Although she knew I was 4 months pregnant, she still put me on a course of antibiotics and told me to come again next week. I asked her whether it is necessary. She replied, yes, if not, it won't heal. Haaaaaaaaa. Setting up the next appointment was a nightmare because she insisted me to stick with her than going to other Dr and that I go to TTDI branch instead of The Curve but was told that parking there was difficult. Her timing and mine clashed and she scolded me for not wanting to take time off from work to come for check up and bla bla bla. I am so going back to my old dentist in Setapak next week. 

Met mom that night and told her it is not Gingivitis but Periodontitis. Expecting she would say the latter is not as bad as the former but she told me the opposite. Periodontitis is worse as it is now affecting my bone. Urgh... Bad news. Mom checked with her friend to ensure that the antibiotic is really safe for pregnancy and was told that it is. (She doubted my dentist. Haha.) But she still asked me to continue massaging my gum and use mouth wash, instead of taking the antibiotics first. I agree with that. I'll give it more time as I can live with the pain at the moment and I don't need to take the pain killer yet although it is also provided. If I can survive labour contraction, I definitely can survive this. Haha. Byk pulak dugaan this time round.

Progress so far

Our baby's progress so far: 6 weeks. Right after I came back from UK, I had cramps like period pain near my lower abdomen. I knew it was probably due to travelling stress. Scheduled my first appointment with Dr Siti around 8 weeks and being the busy Dr that she is, I couldn't move my appointment forward so I went to Klinik Wanita Taman Tun in TTDI just to be extra sure that everything was okay.

 

8 weeks: First appointment with Dr Siti! I missed her. Haha. Was so proud to answer her that this pregnancy was planned and not an accident. Did pap smear test and everything was cleared.

13 weeks: Second appointment with Dr Siti. Did blood test. Result to be given at next check-up. Couldn't believe baby was so big already. Some bones already formed. No wonder mummy felt knees a bit loose again. You have been taking my calcium storage. Baby was moving actively during ultrasound. Wahhh... another active child we have here.

For comparison purpose, my weight before pregnancy was 56kg. Now at 16 weeks: 59kg. I have been eating to my heart's desire and stopped my gym workout, which explains the rapid weight gain. First month of pregnancy was fasting month so I didn't gain weight considerably during that time. When I entered my 2nd month, I turned into a cookie monster and had to constantly eat all the time. Now in my second trimester, I am more stable... could go on hours before another meal. However, I have been frequently forgetting to take my supplements =_= bad mama.

Not only that, I have been drinking too little water and last week I thought I feel a funny feeling when pee-ing. Went to the Dr to test my urine and luckily no infection whatsoever. Colour was a bit dark so need to DRINK MORE WATER. One more thing, I just found out, the sharp pain I felt in my lower abdomen when I sneeze is called Round Ligamen Pain.

Gift from God

Hubby and I had been talking about expanding our little family for awhile. We talked about it and took into consideration future travel plans. Since my younger brother graduated this year, there will no longer be scheduled UK trips in the near future. Mom talked about going to Umrah early 2015 because that is when her current contract ends. I asked her if we can go early 2014, mom said she couldn't take that long a leave while being employed.

Hubby, being the fatherly figure he is, wants to have another child soon. I asked him whether we could delay the plan for another year... i.e. 2015 after we got back from umrah or whether he would still prefer to go ahead with 2014. He said 2014 sounded better. Actually, my mom (especially) and I are not for having kids close apart. I personally think I won't have enough energy, attention, affection to spread between 2 very small children. But hubby thinks he can handle it and let's face it, he handles the kid more than I do most of the time. After much thinking, I agreed to go ahead with his plan... Planning for a 2014 baby.

It goes well with my "list of achievement before crossing 30-years-old" or lack thereof. At least, now I have another item on my list. Having 2 babies before 30. As we all know, my CFA is nowhere near completion. Work... as I just moved to a new department, I had to start from below and it's kinda demotivating to see my "juniors" progressed faster than me. So I have nothing else to look forward to. And since family gives me as much happiness as anything else in the world, why not focus my achievement here!

So after the hustle bustle of the first half of the year, we decided to cut loose and not think about "family planning". We went on a short weekend getaway in Cherating and 2 weeks later...

Even it was not an accident, to be honest, I was still quite shocked to find out. Haha. The pattern was the same. I called hubby to our bathroom to show him the test result. When I asked him to look inside the bathroom, he replied "Pregnant lagi?". His responses. =_= Haih.

We expected to get pregnant maybe 3-4 months down the road but Alhamdulillah, we were given the gift earlier. Allah works in mysterious ways and we are definitely blessed and happy to be having a baby again. Be it a boy or a girl, we will be equally thrilled. Please pray for our safe journey and hopefully it will be as easy as my first one was. InsyaAllah, we will try our best to be good parents to our children as they are truly Gift from God. My expected due date is (EDD) 24th March 2014.

Laundry funny story

Came back from our weekend getaway in Melaka last night. Since Tricia was restless and hungry for milk, I rushed back home before I managed to pick up the laundry from the shop. Hubby, who was on his way back, offered to pick the laundry up for me. He came home with a plastic bag full our clean clothes and... someone else's ironed clothes. I called him to bring the shirts to me, inspected them and saw that they were clearly not ours. I asked hubby, "can't you see they're not your shirts". Hahaha. Men...

Lucky the laundry shop was still opened and we managed to get our clothes back. Since we didn't lose our shirts, I think the incident was really funny. Hahahaha.

Cherating 29-30 June 2013

Finally, my one of my long overdue posts. After a hectic first half of the year, hubby and I decided that we need a break. We booked one night stay at The Legend Cherating Beach Resort, via booking.com about a week earlier. Quite last minute, I would say. We chose that resort because it is the "nicest" with reasonable cost. The "nicest" was supposedly ClubMed Cherating but I went online and it costs RM4,000 for a one night package. Okay. Too much.

My friend warned me that the room was so so only. I arrived at the reception area and it looked nice. Our chalet was the furthest from the reception area so it was a bit of a walk. Room was a bit outdated so even with low expectation, it was a bit disappointing. I took pictures of the room but hubby deleted it from his phone so too bad I can't share it here with you. But when I open the balcony door, it was the view of the beach. Spontaneously I said, "I forgot why we came here". It was not for the room but for the beachside serenity.

It was quite late when we arrived. We went to a nearby seafood place for dinner but menu was limited because apparently they just changed cook. Food was again so so. After dinner, we went for midnight walk on the beach near our room. Tricia was having problem walking on the sand because it was too soft, she found it difficult to walk on. So she insisted on being carried all the time.

We slept through the night and morning. Didn't go for breakfast even though it was included in the package. Went for lunch buffet at their restaurant facing the pool. Food... nothing to brag about but service was oh-so-slow. When we asked for the bill, the waiter came back and asked us did anyone quoted any price to us before. Like what the ??? Kept telling us the lunch buffet was quite expensive but didn't tell us how much the total cost was. When we asked from another person, assuming their manager, the same thing happened. The manager asked us whether anyone quoted us the price before. I was so scared hubby would lose his patience but luckily he didn't. Did we look that sloppy that they think we couldn't afford the price? Should have at least told us before we started eating if you are that worried we couldn't afford the bill. 

All in all it was a nice break for us despite the initial scare when we forgot to bring our baby's milk powder. =p So much for being a pro-traveller. Lucky we managed to find a supermarket that was still opened before we arrived at the resort. Haha.

New finance minister in the house

Last weekend hubby gave me some money while he was driving. Tricia was sitting in between us. When I was holding the money, Tricia took it from me, handed me one piece of RM50, and gave the rest back to her father. T_T [No need to give mummy a lot of money. One piece is enough.] Pffttt, papa's girl...

Picked up my mom and bro and headed to the curve. On the way there, Tricia called each and every one of us to count together, "Papa, Mummy, Cacik, Tokma... One... Two... Three... [until] ... Ten! Yeayyy" When my brother cheated, not counting and playing with his phone instead, Tricia shouted his name and we had to start counting all over again. Oh gosh, princess.

Selamat Hari Kemerdekaan, Malaysia!

Selamat pagi semua dan Selamat Hari Kemerdekaan Malaysia. Travelling around the world makes me appreciate the fact that I am truly blessed to be born and raised here. I love the peace and harmony so let us cherish and nurture it.

Today's post will be about my family. I know I still have a lot of backlog to catch up but I think it is important that I capture this emotion right now. I want to express my deepest gratitude to my in-laws. Without them, Batrisyia's upbringing would not be the same. She is now a very happy, comfortable little girl, despite being a very demanding, hard-headed one. 

Months before she was born, there was news that my office would be moving to a new building and there would be a nursery there. Not wanting to burden my in-laws, who already had 4 grandchildren that time, I looked forward to the move and bringing my baby to work with me. The only set-back I worry about is the closing time of the nursery which is supposed to be 6pm. With my working hours, it is just impossible for me to leave the office on time. But the move got constantly postponed so we had no better choice but to leave Batrisyia with my in-laws. However, today I believe that this is God's better plan for us.

Currently, Batrisyia's most favourite persons are: 1) Atok (Her grandfather) 2) Papa (Her own father) 3) Daddy (Her eldest uncle). All of them triumph over me. Am I jealous? Not really. Here is why. I know my working hours is longer than most people. Factoring in commuting time, I only have a few hours a day to spend with her. So most of the time, she spends it with her other family members. And these few favourite people must have treated her with love and attention that resulted in her loving them so much. So while I am away, she must have been loved. So what do I have to complain about?

When I come back late, her aunties and uncles at home will take her out, buy stuff or toys for her and treat her like their own. She has many sets of parents and she doesn't mind it, as long as she is having fun. Seeing her growing up with her cousins in a positive family environment makes me happy. She thrives, she grows, she learns. She is getting bigger and wiser day-by-day.

Plus, at the end of the day, I will always come back to her. She will always go to sleep with me by her side. She knows my love for her is unconditional that she can always come back running to me and I will forgive her instantly. She knows when she needed someone to comfort her, I will be there for her so that for me is enough. I am fine not being her Most Favourite Person as long as she knows how much I love her.

To my most special family, I am very very blessed to have found you. You guys are God's gift to me. Not just my one and only husband, but the whole family. I love you guys to bits. 

Salam Ramadhan

It has been more than a month since I last blogged. Guess I was too busy catching up with life after a crazy first half of the year. Resting, planning on renovation and vacations, reading: done reading The Hunger Games 2: Catching Fire and now on to the next one Mockingjay, attended training courses for my CPE points, completed 3 photobooks and spending time with family and friends. Managed to squeezed in a one-night getaway last weekend at Legend, Cherating with hubby and Tricia but that should have a separate entry on its own. Don't know whether I would really do it or not, though. Maybe I will since I have more time on my hands now that it is Ramadhan.

A lot of things I should have recorded on this blog especially on Batrisyia's progress but I've been too busy enjoying it in the moment that I forgot what to type about. She can say more words now. Although she has yet to string a sentence, she can say what's on her mind with her limited but expanding vocabulary. Sakit, panas, taknak, bye, mmmuahhh, flying kiss, basuh, yak, okay.

Recently she kept complaining that her private part being "sakit". She used the word sakit for both pain and itchiness. Either way, my mom and I got worried when she complained her private part is in pain. Checked her pampers and we couldn't see anything noticeable. So I concluded it might be itchy. I remember when I was 4 or so, I had to see a Dr for pain in the same area because I didn't wash up properly after I peed. Mom advised me to wash with salt water believing it to be able to kill bacteria. After we dried her up, we could see the "lips"gone red. *Panicked* I believe it was the pampers that cause it... for not changing up often enough. I must admit we took for granted the fact that her skin is stronger and not too sensitive now that we don't change her pampers unless it is really full or bathtime. And she seems to understand that the pampers is the cause for her pain because whenever we forgot to change her pampers after 4 hours or before she goes to bed, she will remind us. (I promised her 4 hours but it was damn amazing that she understood what I said and tell time! Well, it surely must be coincidence but still amazing =p)

She had broken the record by talking on the phone for the first time last month. Normally when my FIL called me to talk to her, she would only listen but would not say a word. But last month she did. And has been able to talk on the phone with people ever since. Once, she was crying because she didn't want to go to sleep yet and I was so tired. I dialled her father on the phone and she cried to her papa until papa had to tell her that he was on the way home to her as fast as he could.

Ramadhan starts today. I had to pick up Tricia from Nilai yesterday so thought I will have to terawikh alone at home. However, hubby agreed to be my imam for Isya' and terawikh prayers last night although we only started praying around 1am. Happy. Hehe. Tricia was left to play alone while we performed our prayers. Sahur today was rice, fried omelette (forgot to put in onions although I have cut them), broccoli and mini corn in oyster sauce and heated up MIL's ikan patin masak tempoyak, which was a failure. The fish was too soft that it breaks and since it was not fresh (heated up from frozen state), it doesn't taste as nice as it was. Hope hubby won't have bad memories of ikan patin masak tempoyak because of that. Thinking what should I cook for sahur tomorrow.

Have a blessed Ramadhan to all muslims out there!

Post Exam Evaluation

Hey peeps. This the 5th time I went (6th time paying) for a CFA exam. And by far is the MOST challenging one of the lot. I'm not referring to the difficulty of the paper but to the things that happened to me prior to the exam.

1) As you know, my dad passed away a month ago, halfway through a revision class I paid for. I had to skip one day from the 3-day course, which means I missed out on two very important topics: Financial Reporting Analysis and Corporate Finance.

2) It took me about a week or so to recover from the mourning phase and then my stepmom brought up about the asset issue. She told me sad stories about how my dad was short on cash bla bla bla... I fell for it and felt really sad that he never told me all about this money issue. I even told my stepmom to give me her account number if things get too tight for them later. I went back and cannot stop thinking about it and it made me so miserable. Until I kidnap my mom and told her everything that was on my mind. That was the best decision ever because moms are the BEST. She helped me see through things and think more rationally. It was such an eye opener. Whatever hardship they think they are going through now, we have been through worse. Yes, mom was right. Actually my dad managed his assets well. He left behind 3 properties and minimal debt. Maybe not a lot of cash as one would hope, but I assure you, it is enough to last them a few YEARS if they manage it well. Here I am, trying to make ends meet while raising a young family. I have debts here and there. Why do I need to worry about them when I actually need to worry about myself more!!! On top of that, she told me she won't ask my uncle about the piece of land my dad shared with his brother. But a week later, she asked me to go back to Perlis with her to talk to my uncle about the land. Urghhh... Cakap tak serupa bikin. I didn't ask for my portion of the assets my dad left. Why do you need the land so bad. When people say you are materialistic, you denied but here you are clearly showing your character. Hide it a bit la. Very ugly la. I did say I will file the necessary papers for the land but now when I see how desperate she wants it, I'm going to leave it as it is. Everyone can go fly kite. I don't care about it anymore.

3) My blackberry broke down last week. The screen just went blank. Fine. I don't need it anyway since I use it only to BBM people. Wednesday, I broke my baby's Samsung Galaxy Tab. It was beyond repair. And I panicked because she has grown attached to that toy of hers. So Thursday I went to Endah Parade with hubby to buy her a new cheap tablet, brand: Ainol. Never heard the name before but was supposed to be good for cheap tablets range. Today, that screen went blank. Adeihhh...

4) I got conjunctivitis a week before exam and it took so long to recover that I had to go to exam with red-eyes. It means limited eye activities during the whole week when I was supposed to be studying!

5) Last but not least, last night around mid-night, Tricia was sitting at my study table "writing" on my notes. Hubby was making his signature drink in the kitchen. I walked 7 feet away from her to watch The Karate Kid that was on TV. 30 seconds later, out of nowhere, Tricia started crying so loud. We were so worried because we didn't know what happened to her. I checked all my stationery: pens, eraser, pencil lead, pen caps... everything was intact. So she did not swallow anything. We checked her mouth.. every inch of it... her throat... her pampers... her legs...  nothing... no cut, no blood, no mark... but she still didn't stop crying. I let her go a few times... Hoping that she would point out which part was painful as she can now say "sakit".  We kept asking her to show it to us but she just continued crying. Hubby suggested taking her out for a drive. To our disappointment, the crying did not stop. Hubby suggested going for an X-ray just to be sure she didn't swallow anything. At that point of time, I was up for anything. I just couldn't bear looking at her suffering like that. But on the way to the hospital, hubby finally said it... Maybe she "saw" something. Well, maybe... Who knows. So hubby put on Yasin and like magic, the crying stop. She finally drank her milk and went to sleep. That was such a relieve. But it was 1am. Whatever energy, enthusiasm I had for the exam before had evaporated. Vanished. It was just too much to bear in such a short span of time.

The exam I think was quite a disaster for me. If it was one of my uni papers, I am quite confident I would have passed it, not with flying colours, of course, but a pass is very possible. But this is the CFA exam we are talking about, where 144K of people are sitting for it worldwide and only about 30% or so pass the respective levels. So irregardless whether I score 40% or 60%, I have more chances of failing that not. Whatever. I told myself this before I sat for the exam: With the amount of things I had to go through before the exam, I forgive myself if I fail the paper. We'll just try again if we feel like it. If not, let's just forget it. I just don't have that energy anymore. At least, not now.

The Last Respect

I woke up around 6.30 that Monday morning. Was expecting heavy Monday traffic of people going to work but surprisingly the traffic was quite clear. Went to buy a few packs of nasi lemak for people at my dad's house. Arrived at my dad's place around 8am and saw quite a number of familiar faces around, mainly my cousins all the way from Perlis and Penang. Gave my stepmom a bit of money for the burial expenses. Recited Yasin a few more rounds before the van jenazah arrived around 9am. My dad was taken for his last shower and prayer at Masjid Al-Mujahiddeen Damansara Utama, near the roundabout behind uptown. Hubby looked somewhat lost but I shoved him into the room to mandikan my dad for the last time. We went  in when he was about to be tied up. Both my parents-in-law came to the mosque so they helped to hold Tricia while everything was going on. Performed prayer at the mosque and then off we went to the cemetery. 

The cemetery was quite far, all the way at the end of Kota Damansara. Hubby and I nearly got lost going there. But we made it in time for the burial and recital of talkin. Tricia was tired for waking up so early that she slept in the car through the whole process. Hubby had to wait in the car with her. Everything went so smoothly. The weather was a bright sunny day. It was just a beautiful day. After everyone went back, my stepmom and half-siblings stayed back to recite another round of Yasin. She just wanted to accompany him awhile more. As much as I disliked her, I can feel her pain of losing her husband. It must be very hard to accept and surely a very painful experience. This is my dad's lot number. I'll put it here so that I will never forget.

I settled the payment for the penggali kubur but my stepmom had to add on for my dad's grave. I was not sure who and when to pay that day, that I missed the uztaz. Was told that everything was covered by Khairat Kematian at the mosque but family normally gave some token anyway so I want to give that token to those people who helped. So hubby and I went back to the mosque to settle those payments and arrange for tahlil that night and the night after. We ended up paying the tukang mandi jenazah because hubby mistakenly thought he was the uztaz and then went back to leave another packet for the uztaz who helped managed the whole burial process.

That night, hubby had to settle a few more things but he helped took care of Tricia while I went for the tahlil. Mighty did me a HUGE favor by ordering food and delivering them for the tahlil that night. I ordered the food because I was not sure whether my stepmom had ordered it or not since she didn't reply my message. Was initially quite frustrated to see there were so many food available but family and friends comforted me saying that better more than not enough. Mighty again became my hero and helped to distribute the excess food to other mosque. So everything did go well.

I was late for the second night of tahlil. I cried and cried in the car as I was too frustrated with myself. Nearly gave up and thought of just reciting Yasin from elsewhere but somehow I managed to pull-through. Arrived just in time for Doa. Missed the Yasin altogether so I read on my own after that. Tricia was with me the second night and she was an angel. Hubby arrived slightly later when I was performing Isya' prayer. And my mom was also waiting outside the mosque. We went for dinner nearby and went back later to get our cars. Surprisingly, my stepmom and half-sister were still there. I went on to asked for a copy of my dad's death certificate. She told me it was not ready yet and asked why I was late. I didn't realize she noticed me when I walked in because as usual, I simply just sat there alone, not looking left and right for people I know. I told her I got stucked in the jam and would try to be early for the next one, which is later today.

Looking at her, words suddenly jumped out of my mouth. I asked her how she was. She said it was tough. It was very tough. She said since she worked from home, they always did things together. My father liked to eat so they always went places to eat. My siblings were very affected because they were very close to my dad... because my dad always treated them like friends. And then she said, to tell you the truth, he never performed solat before (which I knew) but she told him, "if you want me to change, you have to change yourself first" and for the past 2 years, he never missed a prayer anymore. Not only that, he always waited for prayer time before going out. MasyaAllah. I never knew he had changed. No wonder the whole burial process was so smooth. No wonder he looked so much at peace. He was definitely ready in the true sense. My heart lifted when I heard about it and Alhamdulillah, I could not have been happier. It was just the right way to go. I hope, when my time comes, I could be as ready as he was. Tears swelled in my eyes. I thanked my stepmom and made my move home. 

For the memory, this is the last picture I have of my late father when he was alive. This picture was taken just a month ago when we brought Tricia to see him. I miss you already, pa. I truly hope your soul are blessed in the afterlife. I love you... and I hope you knew.

What happened when I got the news

I arrived home not knowing where to go next. I asked my mom to call her friend who lived across the street from my dad. She said no one was home. I tried looking on facebook, hoping to find information on my dad's passing but was also half-hoping that the news was not true. Unfortunately, one of his cousins updated about his passing but no other information was given. *blank* This is MY father we are talking about and I didn't have any information whatsoever. Tricia was looking at me one kind since she rarely saw me cry this bad. At that moment, I thought, I could just call my dad's phone. Maybe someone would pick up when they saw my name. No one did. I waited. And lucky enough, my half-sister called back. When I heard her voice, I confirmed the news was true. And we cried together on the phone. She told me that they were at Pusat Perubatan Universiti Malaya PPUM and waiting for doctor's confirmation/police report etc. They don't know whether to bring him back to Bukit Antarabangsa or Damansara Jaya (DJ) just yet and would inform me later.

So I took Tricia up with me and took my shower. My period cleared-up, alhamdulillah, so I could at least pray for him. Performed maghrib prayer, recited Yasin for him and left the house, not knowing where to go. Mom asked us to send Tricia to her before we go. Nyah texted me asking whether we want to go together. Called my dad's phone again and this time my half-brother answered the phone and told me that my father had been brought back to DJ. Sent Tricia to mummy and went to DJ with Abg Amir, Nyah, Pakcik Yaa, Abg Own and Abg Sham. Of course, hubby drove me that night. 

It was raining heavily so I arrived in DJ only around 10pm. I went straight in. Brought my Yasin with me and just sat there and read. When they lifted the white cloth covering his face, reality hit me. It was really him lying there motionless but most importantly looking very peaceful. I tried to stop myself from crying and just continued reading my Yasin. In my mind, I imagined packing him lots and lots of bags of my Doa for him. Bags of Doa from his child for him to bring back with him to see his Creator. I lost count how many rounds of Yasin I read for him. I hope he has plenty of Doa to light his grave.

Family from all over came to pay their last respect. Hubby's side of the family also came. Around 11pm, nyah and family went back. I stayed on until 12am. I was torn that night. I wanted to stay there and be with my dad the whole night until everything was settled. But I looked at my hubby and he looked tired. I knew he hadn't eaten yet. Then I thought about my baby, who was at home with mummy. Then I looked at my hubby and asked him whether I should talk to my stepmom. We had never, I repeat, NEVER had a good relationship all along. I could never carry a single conversation with her that wouldn't end up in a fight. But hubby told me that I should. She went and thank all my family members from hubby side who came. So I should at least reciprocate. At least she took care of my dad all these while.
So I did. I went and talked to her nicely and was really hoping she wouldn't cause a scene like she normally did. To my surprise, she was really nice. I asked her whether she needed me to be there that night. She said I could stay there if I want. Then I told her actually I need to go back to my baby. She replied, then it's okay. Come back tomorrow before the burial and we could carry out the process together. Seeing how nice she was that time, I finally managed to say thank you to her for taking care of my dad all this time. She also said that I shouldn't blame my father for not telling us that he was dying because he didn't want family to know. And she had to respect his wishes. So I told her I didn't blame her because I knew it was my dad who didn't want to tell me. Not her. So I'm fine with it. I accepted it long ago when he never told me he got admitted, only told me when he got discharged.

Hubby took me to Hayaki uptown for dinner before going home to my mom's place. Tricia was already asleep when we arrived and my mom said, she kept going to the window asking for mama and papa before she went to sleep. Reminded my mom to wake me up early in the morning so that I won't missed my dad's burial the next day and went to sleep immediately.

28 April 2013 - The day my father passed away

I don't know how to start this... 

It was the day I feared since I was in primary school. I don't remember how old I was exactly when I first got the news that my father had a heart attack. Was it when I was in Standard 4? Around 10 years old or so. Since then I was always reminded by family members that my dad could leave us anytime. 

Last Sunday, 28 April 2013, my father passed away around 4.30pm. He was 62.5 years. I just finished my CFA class in Sunway at 6pm when I received the call from my uncle, Pakcik Yaa. Shocked but not totally unexpected. You see, a week before, I was working the whole day on a Saturday. Went for dinner with hubby, baby and mummy at Muhibbah that night and I thought I saw my half-sister having dinner with people, who looked like family members but I don't know a single person at that table (except for that girl). I could be wrong though because I wasn't wearing my glasses and my eyesight is quite bad now. So texted my dad on whatsapp as below:

21 April 2013 17:08 - me: Hi pa. How r u?

22 April 2013 07:33 - me: I thot i saw dania at muhibbah saturday night. But I'm not too sure sebab rabun.

22 April 2013 07:34 - me: The ppl ard her looked like family but no one i know. So i didnt say hi la. Takut salah org.

23 April 2013 14:19 - him: She went to bangsar that night with some friends

I texted him on Sunday and Monday morning and he replied only on Tuesday. I knew in my heart that something was not right. He never took so long to reply my message. I called him. He didn't pick up and from the ring tone, I knew he was in the country. I called my uncle to ask whether he has my half-siblings numbers but he didn't. I didn't have any other connection to my dad's family at that time and I felt lost.

So happened, I accidentally left my phone at a restaurant that Tuesday and nearly lost it. But God's willing, the waiter there called me back and I got my phone around 9.30pm. So I replied to his text the next day.

24 April 2013 12:06 - me: Oh salah org then. Sah sah rabun. LOL

24 April 2013 12:06 - me: Nasib baik tak tegur

24 April 2013 12:06 - me: How are you, pa?

26 April 2013 10:36 - him: Ok, fine

I knew he was not fine. But I also knew he wouldn't tell me that he was not. I knew how I was not welcomed into his home by my stepmom so I couldn't just go to his house to see him. I thought of randomly calling the hospitals to ask but which hospital? Even then, I don't think the hospitals would release the information to me. So I quietly told my closest friends and my mom. Mom told me to start reciting Yasin but so happened my period just started that time. I checked his facebook wall. Maybe people who visited him would have tagged him there. There was none. My only consolation that time was that I knew he was still alive. 

When I received the call that evening, my heart sank. I was still in class so I couldn't just break down and cry there. So I ran to my car... walked as fast as I could. Dropped everything. Locked the door and just cried. Phone was running out of battery so I had to connect it to the car-charger first and started texting 2 closest whatsapp groups on my phone... and continued crying.

I didn't have any other information of my dad's whereabout that time so my aim was to reach home to hubby so that he could drive me around. My father-in-law was the first to call me after my husband. I still could not keep my composure that time that I sounded delirious on the phone. The calls that came after was better managed.