What happened when I got the news

I arrived home not knowing where to go next. I asked my mom to call her friend who lived across the street from my dad. She said no one was home. I tried looking on facebook, hoping to find information on my dad's passing but was also half-hoping that the news was not true. Unfortunately, one of his cousins updated about his passing but no other information was given. *blank* This is MY father we are talking about and I didn't have any information whatsoever. Tricia was looking at me one kind since she rarely saw me cry this bad. At that moment, I thought, I could just call my dad's phone. Maybe someone would pick up when they saw my name. No one did. I waited. And lucky enough, my half-sister called back. When I heard her voice, I confirmed the news was true. And we cried together on the phone. She told me that they were at Pusat Perubatan Universiti Malaya PPUM and waiting for doctor's confirmation/police report etc. They don't know whether to bring him back to Bukit Antarabangsa or Damansara Jaya (DJ) just yet and would inform me later.

So I took Tricia up with me and took my shower. My period cleared-up, alhamdulillah, so I could at least pray for him. Performed maghrib prayer, recited Yasin for him and left the house, not knowing where to go. Mom asked us to send Tricia to her before we go. Nyah texted me asking whether we want to go together. Called my dad's phone again and this time my half-brother answered the phone and told me that my father had been brought back to DJ. Sent Tricia to mummy and went to DJ with Abg Amir, Nyah, Pakcik Yaa, Abg Own and Abg Sham. Of course, hubby drove me that night. 

It was raining heavily so I arrived in DJ only around 10pm. I went straight in. Brought my Yasin with me and just sat there and read. When they lifted the white cloth covering his face, reality hit me. It was really him lying there motionless but most importantly looking very peaceful. I tried to stop myself from crying and just continued reading my Yasin. In my mind, I imagined packing him lots and lots of bags of my Doa for him. Bags of Doa from his child for him to bring back with him to see his Creator. I lost count how many rounds of Yasin I read for him. I hope he has plenty of Doa to light his grave.

Family from all over came to pay their last respect. Hubby's side of the family also came. Around 11pm, nyah and family went back. I stayed on until 12am. I was torn that night. I wanted to stay there and be with my dad the whole night until everything was settled. But I looked at my hubby and he looked tired. I knew he hadn't eaten yet. Then I thought about my baby, who was at home with mummy. Then I looked at my hubby and asked him whether I should talk to my stepmom. We had never, I repeat, NEVER had a good relationship all along. I could never carry a single conversation with her that wouldn't end up in a fight. But hubby told me that I should. She went and thank all my family members from hubby side who came. So I should at least reciprocate. At least she took care of my dad all these while.
So I did. I went and talked to her nicely and was really hoping she wouldn't cause a scene like she normally did. To my surprise, she was really nice. I asked her whether she needed me to be there that night. She said I could stay there if I want. Then I told her actually I need to go back to my baby. She replied, then it's okay. Come back tomorrow before the burial and we could carry out the process together. Seeing how nice she was that time, I finally managed to say thank you to her for taking care of my dad all this time. She also said that I shouldn't blame my father for not telling us that he was dying because he didn't want family to know. And she had to respect his wishes. So I told her I didn't blame her because I knew it was my dad who didn't want to tell me. Not her. So I'm fine with it. I accepted it long ago when he never told me he got admitted, only told me when he got discharged.

Hubby took me to Hayaki uptown for dinner before going home to my mom's place. Tricia was already asleep when we arrived and my mom said, she kept going to the window asking for mama and papa before she went to sleep. Reminded my mom to wake me up early in the morning so that I won't missed my dad's burial the next day and went to sleep immediately.