I don't know how to start this...
It was the day I feared since I was in primary school. I don't remember how old I was exactly when I first got the news that my father had a heart attack. Was it when I was in Standard 4? Around 10 years old or so. Since then I was always reminded by family members that my dad could leave us anytime.
Last Sunday, 28 April 2013, my father passed away around 4.30pm. He was 62.5 years. I just finished my CFA class in Sunway at 6pm when I received the call from my uncle, Pakcik Yaa. Shocked but not totally unexpected. You see, a week before, I was working the whole day on a Saturday. Went for dinner with hubby, baby and mummy at Muhibbah that night and I thought I saw my half-sister having dinner with people, who looked like family members but I don't know a single person at that table (except for that girl). I could be wrong though because I wasn't wearing my glasses and my eyesight is quite bad now. So texted my dad on whatsapp as below:
21 April 2013 17:08 - me: Hi pa. How r u?
22 April 2013 07:33 - me: I thot i saw dania at muhibbah saturday night. But I'm not too sure sebab rabun.
22 April 2013 07:34 - me: The ppl ard her looked like family but no one i know. So i didnt say hi la. Takut salah org.
23 April 2013 14:19 - him: She went to bangsar that night with some friends
I texted him on Sunday and Monday morning and he replied only on Tuesday. I knew in my heart that something was not right. He never took so long to reply my message. I called him. He didn't pick up and from the ring tone, I knew he was in the country. I called my uncle to ask whether he has my half-siblings numbers but he didn't. I didn't have any other connection to my dad's family at that time and I felt lost.
So happened, I accidentally left my phone at a restaurant that Tuesday and nearly lost it. But God's willing, the waiter there called me back and I got my phone around 9.30pm. So I replied to his text the next day.
24 April 2013 12:06 - me: Oh salah org then. Sah sah rabun. LOL
24 April 2013 12:06 - me: Nasib baik tak tegur
24 April 2013 12:06 - me: How are you, pa?
26 April 2013 10:36 - him: Ok, fine
I knew he was not fine. But I also knew he wouldn't tell me that he was not. I knew how I was not welcomed into his home by my stepmom so I couldn't just go to his house to see him. I thought of randomly calling the hospitals to ask but which hospital? Even then, I don't think the hospitals would release the information to me. So I quietly told my closest friends and my mom. Mom told me to start reciting Yasin but so happened my period just started that time. I checked his facebook wall. Maybe people who visited him would have tagged him there. There was none. My only consolation that time was that I knew he was still alive.
When I received the call that evening, my heart sank. I was still in class so I couldn't just break down and cry there. So I ran to my car... walked as fast as I could. Dropped everything. Locked the door and just cried. Phone was running out of battery so I had to connect it to the car-charger first and started texting 2 closest whatsapp groups on my phone... and continued crying.
I didn't have any other information of my dad's whereabout that time so my aim was to reach home to hubby so that he could drive me around. My father-in-law was the first to call me after my husband. I still could not keep my composure that time that I sounded delirious on the phone. The calls that came after was better managed.
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